Claire's Mother: When you and Cliff got married, what did I say?
Claire: You wanted me to have a child.
Claire's Mother: Why?
Claire: Revenge.

Claire's Mother: When you and Cliff got married, what did I say?
Claire: You wanted me to have a child.
Claire's Mother: Why?
Claire: Revenge.

Claire: [preparing for a court case] Now, Ms. Huxtable. Would you please tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson said to you after he examined your engine for the first time?
Cliff: You know, I have the perfect strategy, for this mechanic huddle. I think that we ought to just forget about the trial, and the three of us go over to his house and beat him up!

Claire: [preparing for a court case] Now, Ms. Huxtable. Would you please tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson said to you after he examined your engine for the first time?
Cliff: You know, I have the perfect strategy, for this mechanic huddle. I think that we ought to just forget about the trial, and the three of us go over to his house and beat him up!

Claire: Cliff that really was not necessary.
Cliff: What?
Claire: Cliff, these classes are competitive enough without us putting extra pressure on this girl.
Cliff: There's nothing wrong with a little competition.
Claire: Okay I just don't want Vanessa to get carried away like a certain person in this family...
Cliff: You talking about me?
Claire: Yes. Yes as a matter of fact I am. Now let's take the way you play Monopoly.
Cliff: What does Monopoly got to do with science?
Claire: I'm talking about the way you handle competition. You see, most human beings view Monopoly as a game. But you take it as a means to crush all those who dare challenge you! You are the worst! Someone gets a 'Go to Jail' card, you applaud.
Cliff: That's right.
Claire: Somebody lands on your property, you start making cash register sounds!
Cliff: Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That's right!
Claire: And then when you win, you pile all your money up on the floor and roll in it! You are the worst!
Cliff: Yeah, now I know what you're talking about! This has nothing to do with science. You're still warm about the Monopoly game we played- [laughs] and- and I had Boardwalk, and you rolled the dice, and you landed on my Boardwalk! And I had about 5000 hotels, and 600 houses, and you only had $30! And I told you to pay up, and you said, 'But I'm your wife!' [Claire leaves the room] ...and you'd better pay!

Claire: Cliff that really was not necessary.
Cliff: What?
Claire: Cliff, these classes are competitive enough without us putting extra pressure on this girl.
Cliff: There's nothing wrong with a little competition.
Claire: Okay I just don't want Vanessa to get carried away like a certain person in this family...
Cliff: You talking about me?
Claire: Yes. Yes as a matter of fact I am. Now let's take the way you play Monopoly.
Cliff: What does Monopoly got to do with science?
Claire: I'm talking about the way you handle competition. You see, most human beings view Monopoly as a game. But you take it as a means to crush all those who dare challenge you! You are the worst! Someone gets a 'Go to Jail' card, you applaud.
Cliff: That's right.
Claire: Somebody lands on your property, you start making cash register sounds!
Cliff: Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That's right!
Claire: And then when you win, you pile all your money up on the floor and roll in it! You are the worst!
Cliff: Yeah, now I know what you're talking about! This has nothing to do with science. You're still warm about the Monopoly game we played- [laughs] and- and I had Boardwalk, and you rolled the dice, and you landed on my Boardwalk! And I had about 5000 hotels, and 600 houses, and you only had $30! And I told you to pay up, and you said, 'But I'm your wife!' [Claire leaves the room] ...and you'd better pay!

Claire: If I died, would you marry again?
Cliff: We'll talk about it when it happens.
Claire: We can't talk about it then!
Cliff: Okay, no. The answer is no. I wouldn't.
Claire: Under no circumstances, if I die, would you marry again. You would be single forever?
Cliff: Yes.
Claire: Would you date somebody?
Cliff: No. I wouldn't.
Claire: Okay, Cliff I'm dead. I'm gone.
Cliff: And you're still in the bed with me?

Claire: If I died, would you marry again?
Cliff: We'll talk about it when it happens.
Claire: We can't talk about it then!
Cliff: Okay, no. The answer is no. I wouldn't.
Claire: Under no circumstances, if I die, would you marry again. You would be single forever?
Cliff: Yes.
Claire: Would you date somebody?
Cliff: No. I wouldn't.
Claire: Okay, Cliff I'm dead. I'm gone.
Cliff: And you're still in the bed with me?

Claire: Make sure she stays in the bed, give her lots of liquids, and aspirin every four hours.
Cliff: I don't believe you! You're the only woman who went to law school and got a degree in medicine!

Claire: Make sure she stays in the bed, give her lots of liquids, and aspirin every four hours.
Cliff: I don't believe you! You're the only woman who went to law school and got a degree in medicine!

Claire: We are very fortunate to have the children, Cliff. Otherwise we would never know the joy of leaving them at home.

Claire: We are very fortunate to have the children, Cliff. Otherwise we would never know the joy of leaving them at home.

Cliff's Father: [about Theo] Where are you sending him?
Cliff: If he picks up his grades, high school.

Cliff's Father: [about Theo] Where are you sending him?
Cliff: If he picks up his grades, high school.

Cliff: [after a long screeched note on a clarinet is heard downstairs] Have we moved closer to the river?
[More sounds]
Theo: You think she's blowing through the right end?
[Even worse sounds]
Cliff: I think she just killed a goose.