Cliff: [after a long screeched note on a clarinet is heard downstairs] Have we moved closer to the river?
[More sounds]
Theo: You think she's blowing through the right end?
[Even worse sounds]
Cliff: I think she just killed a goose.

Cliff: [entering a building] Hi, Chester. How's everything going?
Chester: You're late! You have a whole class back there yelling at me! Get here on time!
Claire: [nicely] Hello, Chester.
Chester: [nicely] Well hello, Mrs. Huxtable!
Cliff: Why are you being so nice to her? She's late too Chester.
Chester: Well she's late, but looks good. You're just late!

Cliff: [entering a building] Hi, Chester. How's everything going?
Chester: You're late! You have a whole class back there yelling at me! Get here on time!
Claire: [nicely] Hello, Chester.
Chester: [nicely] Well hello, Mrs. Huxtable!
Cliff: Why are you being so nice to her? She's late too Chester.
Chester: Well she's late, but looks good. You're just late!

Cliff: [Talking to Denise's boy-friend] If you don't plan on going to college then what do you plan on doing?
David: I think I'm going to just spend some time trying to find myself.
Cliff: And how long do you think that's going to take?
David: About five or ten years.
Cliff: In that amount of time you could find yourself and a few other people.
Denise: Dinners ready. [as Cliff walks by] So how do you like him?
Cliff: I don't know if it's him or not; he hasn't found himself yet.

Cliff: [Talking to Denise's boy-friend] If you don't plan on going to college then what do you plan on doing?
David: I think I'm going to just spend some time trying to find myself.
Cliff: And how long do you think that's going to take?
David: About five or ten years.
Cliff: In that amount of time you could find yourself and a few other people.
Denise: Dinners ready. [as Cliff walks by] So how do you like him?
Cliff: I don't know if it's him or not; he hasn't found himself yet.

Cliff: Hello? ... This better be necessary. [hands the phone to Claire] It's for you.
Claire: Hello.
The Kids: [on the other end] Good night mom! And don't bring home another baby!

Cliff: Hello? ... This better be necessary. [hands the phone to Claire] It's for you.
Claire: Hello.
The Kids: [on the other end] Good night mom! And don't bring home another baby!

Cliff: I wish I was 20 again.
Sondra: Would you go to Rio?
Cliff: Your mother wouldn't let me.

Cliff: I wish I was 20 again.
Sondra: Would you go to Rio?
Cliff: Your mother wouldn't let me.

Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
Theo: Thirty?!
Cliff: 'Kay then, five!

Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
Theo: Thirty?!
Cliff: 'Kay then, five!

Cliff: Look my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Claire: Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
Cliff: Right, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Claire: Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
Cliff: I didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.

Cliff: Look my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Claire: Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
Cliff: Right, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Claire: Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
Cliff: I didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.

Cliff: No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he's on stage with his 4 brothers.
...
Cliff: I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a JOB.

Cliff: No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he's on stage with his 4 brothers.
...
Cliff: I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a JOB.