Theo: [cleaning the kitchen] Dad is it okay if I take a break now?
Cliff: Yeah, uh you've been working five minutes straight now.

Theo: [revealing his earring to Cliff] It's an earring, dad. There's a hole in my ear, and Denise says it might be infected.
[Cliff comes over, to examine the ear, touches the ear, and Theo flinches]
Cliff: Well, she's right. It is infected. Come on.
Theo: What are you gonna do to me?
Cliff: I am going to fix your ear.
Theo: Then what?
Cliff: You expecting some sort of punishment?
Theo: Shouldn't I?
Cliff: Yeah.

Theo: [revealing his earring to Cliff] It's an earring, dad. There's a hole in my ear, and Denise says it might be infected.
[Cliff comes over, to examine the ear, touches the ear, and Theo flinches]
Cliff: Well, she's right. It is infected. Come on.
Theo: What are you gonna do to me?
Cliff: I am going to fix your ear.
Theo: Then what?
Cliff: You expecting some sort of punishment?
Theo: Shouldn't I?
Cliff: Yeah.

Theo: Dad, can I have an advance on my allowance?
Cliff: I'm sorry son, you're already backed up to your 50th birthday.

Theo: Dad, can I have an advance on my allowance?
Cliff: I'm sorry son, you're already backed up to your 50th birthday.

Theo: Dad, Denise is hogging the bathroom!
Cliff: Why don't you use the one downstairs?
Theo: The small one? That one's for guests.
Cliff: Then pretend you don't live here.

Theo: Dad, Denise is hogging the bathroom!
Cliff: Why don't you use the one downstairs?
Theo: The small one? That one's for guests.
Cliff: Then pretend you don't live here.

Theo: Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five-hundred dollars.
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?

Theo: Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five-hundred dollars.
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?

Theo: Hi mom!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!

Theo: Hi mom!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!

Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!

Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!

Theo: It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.

Theo: It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.