Shawn: Oh my gosh! You disgust me! You make me sick to my face.

Shawn: Shoot...the...glass.

Shawn: Sorry I was too busy James Bonding it up in here.

Shawn: What about me fellas? I'm not having any psychic visions, or flashbacks or recreation flashbacks OR recreation flashbacks with new psychic visions. Imagine you weren't just a bland, gangly average human, that you could wink at someone and-and-and light up their world! That you could make a child THINK you have given them an ice cream cone without giving them the cone! And then watch them skip off into a beautiful meadow licking nothing but air! Imagine that! Imagine that you had a special gift, a sixth sense and someone or something comes along and RIPS it away from you! IMAGINE THAT, JACK!

Woody: Calm down, Peaches, come back to bed.

Woody: Guster, your cholesterol is really high.
Shawn: Man, I told you eating something called "stick of butter in a bun" was a bad idea!
Gus: I can't help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.
Shawn: You're buttery.
Gus: You know that's right.

(Shawn and Gus have just appeared dressed as vampires)
Shawn: I can't help being a gorgeous fiend. It's just the card I drew.
Juliet: What. In the hell. Are you wearing?

[Lassiter hooks up Shawn to a polygraph machine]
Lassiter: First question. What is your name?
Shawn: There is a murderer on the loose.
Lassiter: That is not your name.