Gus: I want some pancakes. Who wants pancakes? Whipped butter, maple syrup--what?!

Gus: I'm still not convinced, Shawn. How can you be absolutely certain that Lassiter didn't shoot Chavez?
Shawn: It's relatively easy, Gus. I decided to be and therefore I am. Socrates said that.
Gus: No, that was Descartes.
Shawn: That was the cologne we wore in high school.
Gus: That was Drakkar Noir.
Shawn: No, that's a wine.
Gus: That's pinot noir.

Gus: Is this about pride?
Shawn: I got these jeans at a garage, not a garage sale, a garage. Clearly pride is not an issue for me.

Gus: Shawn? What the heck are you doing here?
Shawn: I should ask you the same question.
Gus: I work here!
Shawn: I should ask you a different question.

Gus: We're in a hostage situation, Shawn. You don't get that?
Shawn: I do get it. What I don't get is the bulletproof vest over the shirt. What is that?

Gus: Where's Leiber?
Juliet: Gone. Looks like he's on the lam.
Shawn: If he's on a lamb, he won't get far. Alpaca, different story. Those things really fly.

Gus: You know what they do on those massage tables? They massage men. Big, hairy, men. Let me be very clear: these hands are not touching anybody. I only use these hands to touch myself. ...Let me rephrase that.
Shawn: Please stop speaking. And no more fist bumps for the rest of the day.

Gus: You're not coming in? You're gonna make me stand in that deposit line all by myself?
Shawn: Nope buddy, I will be with you in spirit like a tiny wood nymph. Besides, what's your glitch with the ATM machine anyway?
Gus: It's a people thing Shawn. Business should always be done face to face.
Shawn: Well, if you remember, I'm holding a bit of a grudge against this particular banking institution.
Gus: Why? Because they turned you down for a small business loan last year?
Shawn: Yes because they turned me down for a small business loan that was completely legitimate, Gus.
Gus: Shawn, it was for a zip line pulley system to transport snacks from the kitchen to your desk.
Shawn: Or the reception area. What's your point?
Gus: Part of a running a business together Shawn, is sharing in the responsibilities of the business side of the business. Like making deposits.
Shawn: What about the bidness side because I feel like I'm more of a bidness man. Who's covering that?
Gus: You know what? Fine. I'll do it myself.

Henry: Can you even name a famous fireman?
Young Shawn: ...Smokey the Bear?
Henry: First of all, Smokey the Bear is not a fireman. Number two, he's not real. Number three, HE'S A BEAR! He takes his poops in the woods, is that what you want?

Henry: I warned you Shawn, fire fighters are trouble. I did everything in my power to keep you off of the pole!
Shawn: And you succeeded dad... in every conceivable way.

Henry: I'm a tax-paying, voting citizen, therefore I have a right to speak to any elected official, such as the DA, I please.
Shawn: You don't have to be a... tax-paying voting citizen, do you?

Henry: Well, fooling around with your best friend's sister certainly wasn't your most brilliant idea.
Shawn: No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. [pause] I think I peaked too soon.

Juliet: Are you all right?
Shawn: Yeah, of course I am, why?
Juliet: Well we got the message that you were at the hospital. Something about life and death.
Shawn: Oh, right, that. Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.
Gus: I knew I should have left that message.

Juliet: Google "missing foot"? That was your plan?
Lassiter: Well, not all of it.

Juliet: If Chief Vick knew I was running names for you guys, I'd lose my ass.
Shawn: We definitely don't want that to happen.