Colleen: (wheeling out a Teddy Bear stuffing machine) Do you know what it's like to be a nobody and suddenly become a somebody because you hit your dumb little unimportant star, the one that shines so much brighter than yours? And do you know how much it hurts... (attaching a hose up to the machine) ... when that wonderous, magical star suddenly flickers out and dies in your life, and you end up being just shut in the shadows? It hurts so much! You will not take away my star, you will not take away my Sean. (holds the hose up to the face of a tied down man) I want you to open your mouth. I said open your mouth! Get some god damn dignity. (places the hose in his mouth and turns the machine on) See the stuffing? It's going inside you now. That's it, that's it. that's it, that's it. (closes the now dead man's eyes and places bead eyes over his)
Season 6

Eden: I know you fantasize about me while you're pumping away on little Miss Jenny Craig. Does fatty dumpster swallow? I bet she's too worried about the calories.

Fiona: What are you? Leg man, ass man, tit man...?
Christian: Tit man, why?
Fiona: (unbuttoning her shirt) Mommy issues. You should know.

Freddy Prune: It's okay for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named Pussy but we're television--not HBO-- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network.

Linda: These guys are crazy. The only reason I've moved here it's because they throwed a bunch of money at me. And the golf opportunities.

Liz: You're gonna need a bigger boat.
Christian: What?
Liz: Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark. You guys are in over your heads. You're chum, being devoured by all the Rodeo Drive great whites.

Mistress Dark Pain: Let me tell you something, doctor. It's not easy being Robert Easton. He isn't stupid. He knows that underneath his ‘look-how-big-my-dick-is' act that he's just a scared little boy who feeds of everyone else's talent and dreams. He's nothing. I have a gift. I help keep men like Bob from imploding with too much power.

Olivia: [to Christian, referring to her relationship with Julia] I think our personal life is for us to know and for you to fantasize about when you're masturbating.

Sean: I think our credentials speak for themselves. I'm written up in the New England Journal of Medicine three times, Plastic Reconstructive Surgery Journal twice...
Fiona: And how many times have you been written up in People Magazine, hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from Harvard. It's not what you've done, it's whom. Celebrity is power.
Sean: Well, we're screwed. We can't get a celebrity til we've operated on a celebrity!

Sean: It's been 2 months without even a botox shot, Christian. So far, the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in Los Angeles is a better hook shot.
Christian: I wouldn't go that far. Look, we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right? But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.
Sean: Worked the first time we started a business together.
Christian: At 25,baby! At 40, you gotta go all out. We owned Miami, right?
Sean: Yeah.
Christian: Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.

Sean: Jesus, does anyone in this town not have plastic surgery?
Christian: I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whorehouse.
Sean and Christian watching an episode of "Hearts N'Scalpels" together.

Sean: Just say it; you're thinking she wouldn't be a lesbian if she'd been married to you. That I must be such a lousy lay that my wife went from dwarf humping to carpet munching.
[Christian laughs]
Sean: It's not funny.
Christian: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at us. I mean, it is funny. After all these years, Julia was the reason for our 'who's got the biggest dick contest'. Now we find out, she doesn't even like 'em.

Sean: Look at us. Mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack TV show. We're good surgeons. Why live in a place which doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should have moved somewhere where substance reigns over style. Like New York.
Christian: Julia's gone. Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.

Sean: Sounds like living the dream has its price.
Bob Easton: Of course it does. Eat your young on a regular basis, what do you expect? All day long, I'm the one with the control, the power. Once a week, Mistress Dark Pain takes it all away from me. Sometimes twice a week during Oscar season. Every bite somehow restores the balance. Keeps me real, you know?

Sean: They should just be honest and rename the show "Shit".
Christian: Shit.