Christian: I'm a widely successful plastic surgeon with great hair, pro-white teeth and a 33-inch waist. I'm a goddamn superhero and I'm going to put that cape back on, fly back into every singles bar in town and bang myself silly.

Christian: If I didn't fight back, it's because in some kind of way I feel like I deserve it.
Sean: For what?
Christian: For what? For screwing Julia when you were engaged, for cheating on every girlfriend I've ever had, for charging ten grand to raise a pair of sagging tits on some socialite bitch, for generally being a soulless man. Take your pick.

Christian: Is this surgery or open mic night at the lesbian coffee bar?

Christian: Kimber's not a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart, she's not to be passed around the table.

Christian: Look. Maybe Kumba can see past Kiki's scar, to her "inner beauty" -- Maybe he's not a shallow bastard like the rest of us.
Dr. Forsythe: Don't be so hard on yourself. Beauty attracts to preserve the species. In evolutionary terms, Dr. Troy, all males are bastards.

Christian: Maybe I'll always be alone. Maybe thats just the way it's meant to be.
Sean: You know, you've never really been alone.
Christian: Really? My bride left me at the altar. My partner left me for a midlife crisis. Am I missing something?
Sean: I can help you with one of those things. I'd like to come back to the practice.
Christian: You mean that?
Sean: I do.

Christian: My girlfriend I can handle, it's my girlfriend's girlfriend that's wiping me out.
Quentin: You are my idol. How do you get up for work?
Christian: The sex isn't the exhausting part. It's the constant jockeying for position. I am trying to establish myself as the Walk of Cock here.

Christian: Not a bad way to spend the holidays.
Matt: Two single men, watching football, eating Chinese. That's America.

Christian: The American Architecture Award. Impressive.
Ben White: I got it for an atrium house I designed in 2001. I utilised the power of negative space. The beauty of what's missing.

Christian: The Messiah? Liz, I thought you were an athiest.
Liz: I kinda go on the wagon around the holidays. You miss out on too much good music if you don't.

Christian: There's really no point in having a consultation without the patient present.
Dr. Forsythe: She's a gorilla.
Sean: Well, I'm sure you're exaggerating.

Christian: Three tickets for the Vin Diesel movie.
Kimber: I thought we're watching Jude Law.
Christian: [rolls eyes] I'm not watching three hours of Jude Law. Doesn't he get castrated at the end of this one?
Kimber: You always choose the movie. We haven't seen anything I like in the past two years.
Christian: I'm sorry the movies I like are not the cinematic masterpieces you direct, Kimber.
Kimber: These 'masterpieces' grossed more in first-month DVD sales than you made the entire year last year, asshole.
Christian: [to Kit] This is all your fault. You are constantly whispering in her ear to box me out. [Edit] Kimber and I understand each other. We have a shorthand. [buys two movie tickets and storms off] Jerk each other off.

Christian: Throw a stone down South Beach and you would hit some model I did not call back.

Christian: Today I took off a man's leg so he could feel whole. [Edit] I guess you just have to do whatever it is that makes you feel complete, no matter how crazy it is. All I know is that without you, something's missing. Us. You and me. Til death do us part. I love you. Marry me. Say yes, Kimber.

Christian: What is it with you and this animal?
Liz: She is an outcast from her tribe, and she is suffering because of it. I know what that feels like.
Christian: Ok, I just want to point out that it was you who compared yourself to a gorilla, not me.