Patient: [in examination] Dr. Troy, you are the only man I want handling my penis.
Christian: You are the only man who's ever said that to me.
Patient: Is the scar really gone? My fiance doesn't like going down.
Christian: And you're gonna marry that bitch?
Patient: Just don't tell my girlfriend.
[Both men laugh]
Patient: So the cream will help it all go away in two weeks?
Christian: Or your money back.

Sean/Christian: Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Sean: [to Kimber, about Christian] Ms. Henry, I think you're confusing Dr. Troy's pleasant and very thorough bedside manner with real emotions.

Sean: But she's a multiple personality.
Liz: Oh please! Who isn't? To my mother, I'm a child. To Jan, I'm a heartless, rejecting bitch. And to my dog, I'm God.
Sean: Maybe I should get a dog.

Sean: Check out this bombshell. We're getting ready this morning, and Julia tells me she wants her breasts done.
Christian: If you're thinking conflict of interest, I'd like to volunteer my services.
Sean: Still have a crush on the missus, do we?
Christian: Let the records show that I dated her first and passed off my sloppy seconds to you.

Sean: Did she indicate that if you slept with her she'd drop the lawsuit?
Christian: Are you actually telling me to stick my dick in the crypt keeper to make your mistake go away?

Sean: Have you ever done twins?
Christian: [In a Sean Connery impression] Mother and daughter once but never twins.

Sean: How do you feel about taking on an intern?
Christian: What does she look like?
Sean: He is a friend of Julia's from school. Jude, something. I could use the points. She's pissed that I'm not outraged enough about Matt's three-way.
Christian: Alright with me, partner. I'd much rather have him hanging around here all day than hanging shirtless by your pool feeding your wife margaritas.

Sean: I'm afraid ‘pro-bono' is out of the question for this type of operation. That's usually reserved for people who have suffered accidents or birth defects.
Sophia: Being one gender on the inside and another on the outside is a birth defect.

Sean: I'm gonna get a vasectomy. Julia doesn't want to have any more kids and I can't handle another mistake.
Christian: That's the most bullshit cure for depression I ever heard. If you want to shoot blanks, Sean, don't get snipped. Do what I do. Take a bath.
Sean: What?
Christian: For every date, I sit in a 116 degree bath. Excessive testicular heat shuts down spermatogenosis. Teabag your testicles in a hot tub and I swear you'll be sterile and squeaky clean.

Sean: My god, when was the last time we went to bed and you didn't hate me?

Sean: You've seen how he treats women: like they're sub-human.
Liz: Hasn't stopped me from working with Christian.
[Edit]
Christian: Don't take this the wrong way. But you're a better man than I am.
Liz: Damn straight.
Season 2

Sean: You´re the one who inspired me to be a surgeon. I wanted to be you.
Dr. Grayson: You´re gonna be me, Sean. You´re in my path. You´re a success now. Forty is when it starts. The dutiful wife gets tired of your hours and your lack of emotional intelligence. She´ll stay around for another five years if you´re lucky. Mine left when I was 50, but she´ll leave. When Father´s Day comes around, and Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and you sit alone with your diplomas, and the thoughts of all these people whose lives you´ve saved except your own.

Sophia: Have you always been a lesbian, Liz?
Liz: I slept with a man once in college. He had long hair and when I closed my eyes, and felt it sweeping across my face, I pretended it was Joni Mitchell.