Mr. Show quotes
217 total quotesGrandpa Timmy (unknown): And testicular electrocution would be administered to all those who get into monkeyshines!
Helpful guy in Druggachussetts (John Ennis): And remember, only take what you can handle, and always know your dealer!
Jack Weber (Bob): Here's a simple test to see if your child is really a costumed dwarf: hit him in the head with a hammer.
Jack Weber (Bob): Just because a child is defiant doesn't mean they want to overthrow the government. Maybe they just want a cookie, a game, some attention...attention that a drunken father cannot provide...I'm sorry, Tim.
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Say, by any chance, are you a murderer?
Wife of Mark, the lyncher (Jill Talley): NO!
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Oh, good. Then your children will only be half murderer.
Wife of Mark, the lyncher (Jill Talley): NO!
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Oh, good. Then your children will only be half murderer.
John Oakfellow of the Red Cross (John Ennis): It's been a real soul-shattering experience.
Kedzie Matthews (Tom Kenny): Watch as Mrs. Vila gets half of This Old House in "This Old Divorce"!
Ken Doral, host of the "Pre-taped Call-in Show" (David): If you wanted to talk about pet care, you should have called last week, when our show on racism was airing, but we were taping the pet care show, which is airing now.
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Do you really think court cases are decided by judges and juries making decisions based on evidence and lawyers' arguments?
John Hamlinson, managing associate of law firm (Tom Kenny): Oh, Danny! How could you be so naïve?
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Danny, court cases are decided by a series of blowjobs!
John Hamlinson, managing associate of law firm (Tom Kenny): Oh, Danny! How could you be so naïve?
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Danny, court cases are decided by a series of blowjobs!
Kevin, the slothful child (David): I ... also ... want people to perform ... beastialities for me.
Killer B. Killed (Jonathan Fowler Jr.): I don't know, man. These guys got their fuckin' talkin' dolls in here 'n' shit.
Local World News network anchor (Bob): Later tonight, we'll have an update from the war-torn Gaza Strip, where Betty McPhee will tell us all about Tripper, the counting dog.
Marriage Con & Boat Show seminar host (Jill Talley): Men 'R' Stupid...ta da! Women 'R' Stupider. We need to get married! I did it! Get in line! Get in line, you dumb bitch!