[Monk and Sharona are talking to Michelle Rivas at the power plant. Michelle hears a noise, looks up, and sees Gene Edelson coming down the ladder]
Michelle Rivas: Gene, what are you doing up there?
Gene Edelson: What am I doing? I am checking the auxillary generator.
Michelle Rivas: Well there's a reporter looking for you.
Gene Edelson: Well you're the company mouth. You talk to them. It's not my job. [spots Monk tapping one of the gauges on an instrument panel] Excuse me! Uh, do you see the sign? [Monk notices the "DO NOT TOUCH" sign over the gauge]
Adrian Monk: Ah, no problem. I got it. [He straightens it a few centimeters. Michelle chuckles]
Michelle Rivas: I've been dying to do that for six months. [Stottlemeyer and Disher return]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey Monk, we've got the prelim on the explosives. [Monk joins them to examine the remnants of the bomb] We think... four to five pounds of a high density plastique with a magnesium charge. It was detonated with an egg timer.
Adrian Monk: You mentioned the letters. Is that the letter?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, three pages, taped to the back door outside. [Monk looks over Randy's shoulder to see the note]
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah it's a basic environmental laundry list: solar power, fossil fuels, Saudi Arabia, "it's the only planet we have."
Adrian Monk: [reading] "We are free men... unshacked by your barborous laws." I know that phrase. I've heard that before. "Unshackled." "Barborous laws." [He thinks for a few seconds] Ten years ago, that exact same phrase was in a letter, written by a guy named Winston... No yes, Winston Brenner. Trudy wrote an article about him.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I remember that guy. He was a serious radicalist in Boston. He blew up a recruiting station; a couple of soldiers got killed.
Lt. Randall Disher: Looks like he just came out of retirement.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Let's check him out.

[Monk calls 9-1-1 while babysitting Tommy.]
911 Operator: You mean, you've never changed a diaper?
Monk: Hurry!
911 Operator: Okay, sir. On the side of the diaper there should be two Velcro straps.
Monk: Okay, I've got the straps.
911 Operator: Now rip 'em open!
[sound of Velcro ripping]
Monk: Oh! Oooohh! Oh, my God! Oh, the humanity!

[Monk gets a confession from the real culprit, but discovers the wire wasn't working.]
Adrian Monk: Maybe we can trick him into... saying it again.
Agent Colmes: Oh, really? How're we gonna do that?
Adrian Monk: Well, I'll just go back there, sit down, and say... "What?"

[Monk has a date with Michelle Rivas]
Sharona Fleming: Are you excited?
Adrian Monk: Yes... if by excited, you mean petrified and full of regret.
Sharona Fleming: "Petrified and full of regret". Welcome to the world of dating.
[They walk around the remains of Alby Drake's tree to meet Stottlemeyer, who climbs over one of the fallen branches to meet them]
Adrian Monk: Captain!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk. Sharona. I'm sure you've noticed by now that there used to be a big tree standing right over there.
Adrian Monk: What time?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: 4:35 AM. A security guard heard somebody start up the bulldozer. Moments later, ch-ch-ch, "Timber!" Drake was dead on impact.
Lt. Randall Disher: He made a phone call though at around midnight.
Adrian Monk: To a payphone, right?
Lt. Randall Disher: You guessed it: Palo Alto.
Sharona Fleming: Oh, well it had to be to Brenner. He's the guy.
Adrian Monk: So not only is Winston Brenner alive and well, he's making sure that his old pals don't rat him out.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's right. The FBI's calling at Palo Alto tonight. They want to compare notes; synchronize watches.
Adrian Monk: Ouch, whoa-whoa, I-I can't make it.
Sharona Fleming: He has a date.

[Monk has been buried alive.]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I want that backhoe ready and running! Keep it running! [to the search party] All right, listen up! We figure he's got about forty minutes of air if he's not panicking... figure on fifteen minutes. This is Monk, I want the best you've got! So we're gonna spread out and we're gonna work the grid, all right! We're looking for fresh dirt, tire tracks, footprints, anything! Let's go-go!
Lt. Randall Disher: Captain! There's a problem; the cemetery's just expanded. They just tore down a restaurant over there. It's all dug up, like, an acre and a half. Monk could be anywhere.
Natalie Teeger: Captain, it's already been 20 minutes. Even if we find him, he'll be a basket case!

[Monk is babysitting Tommy.]
Natalie Teeger: Oh my gosh, look! He's separating his food!
Tommy Graser: Me separating food!

[Monk is babysitting Tommy.]
Teresa Crane: Now... before I go, do you have any questions for me?
Monk: Yes, yes, I have a couple of questions. What does he eat?
Teresa Crane: He... eats food. He eats whatever you eat, only smaller portions.
Monk: Oh. So he's like a person.

[Monk is getting onto the Korn tour bus so Julie can use the restroom.]
Monk: They spelled "Corn" wrong!

[Monk is in session with Dr. Kroger]
Dr. Charles Kroger: Didn't she sell her house?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here.

[Monk is interviewing candidates for his new assistant.]
Nurse #2: What would my hours be?
Adrian Monk: Nine A.M....
Nurse #2: Until...?
Adrian Monk: Until one...
Nurse #2: One P.M.?
Adrian Monk: Until one of us dies.

[Monk is investigating Natalie Teeger's house to figure what the two intruders who have broken into her house might have been after]
Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house?
Natalie Teeger: No.
Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can? Isn't that where you hide your money?
Natalie Teeger: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter, indicating it's been opened recently. But you don't have a coffee maker.
Julie Teeger: [whispering] Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo!

[Monk is late for dinner]
Sharona: So where is he, anyway?
Joe Christie: Last I saw, he was putting away boxes in the shoe department.
Sharona: He's putting boxes away?
Joe Christie: [laughing] Yeah...
Sharona: Oh, God. Maybe we'd better go ahead and start ordering now, you know?

[Monk is on the phone with Michelle Rivas]
Adrian Monk: That used to be my nickname, Mr. Punctuality.
Michelle Rivas: In college?
Adrian Monk: Kindergarten.

[Monk is patching up Benjy after he got into a fight at school.]
Adrian Monk: What's a wedgie?
Benjy Fleming: It's when you pull a kid's underwear all the way out of his pants.
Adrian Monk: When I was a kid they called it something else.
Benjy Fleming: What?
Adrian Monk: An "Adrian."

[Monk just explained to Varla Davis what the boot tip means.]
Monk: Wipe.
Varla Davis: Wipe what!?
Monk: I say wipe and you give me a wipe. That's how it works.
Varla Davis: Well you better get over "it" fast!