[In dead perp Brian Lemmon's pocket, Monk finds a note]
Adrian Monk: "2:30 Sea of Tranquility." What is that? A club?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, I don't think so. Who'd want to go to a club called the Sea of Tranquility? Besides you.

[In John Ricca's apartment]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to an officer] Get a list of tenants. Start knocking on doors. [Randy comes in, awestruck] Lieutenant, I thought you had the perimeter. [Randy starts pointing at various Sonny Chow movie posters in the living room]
Lt. Randall Disher: Fist of the Cobra, 1975. I've got that same poster in my room. [points at another poster behind the TV] Oh look at this! It's from Ten Fingers of Doom. He broke his arm doing that stunt, but he still finished the scene, though. [squats in front of the TV and finds a VHS tape] Oh my God!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What?
Lt. Randall Disher: He's got a bootleg copy of Enter the Cobra. Can I have it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No you can't have it, Detective! This is a crime scene!
Lt. Randall Disher: Let's watch it. [starts to put it into the VCR, but stops and reconsiders it] Okay. Sir, I have a theory on this: this guy John Ricca. He's published a book on Sonny Chow, right?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Right.
Lt. Randall Disher: Well it was a real hatchet-job, I mean it made the Cobra look terrible.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The Cobra?
Lt. Randall Disher: Sonny Chow. Maybe we should be looking for a Sonny Chow fan. I mean they all hated the book, and most of them? Pretty nuts. I mean, I've seen the conventions all the time and they were real fanatics. [Monk and Natalie come in and step over the body to join Stottlemeyer and Disher]
Adrian Monk: Captain?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, thank you for coming. [adknowledges Natalie] Miss Teeger. I assume they filled you in downstairs.
Adrian Monk: More or less. How did he enter the building?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: He broke in through a door on the roof around 4:00 AM, but get this: when he left after the murder, he took the elevator down and ran out.
Adrian Monk: He didn't mind being seen?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No.
Natalie Teeger: Was he really killed with nunchucks?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, check this out. [walks in with an evidence bag containing the death nunchucks] Gold-plated. Look at those insignias. Sonny purchased ones like these in Ninja Fury.
Adrian Monk: The killer left these behind?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, they either belonged to the killer or to the victim. I mean, he was writing a book on all this crap. [An officer hands a VHS tape to Stottlemeyer]
Police Officer: Captain, here's the videotape you wanted.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Ah, thank you. [plugs it into the VCR] Elevator B, at... 4:07. Let's have a look. [He presses play. A grainy image of the ninja getting on the elevator is seen]
Natalie Teeger: You can't even see his face!
Lt. Randall Disher: He looks like the Cobra. Sonny wore a uniform just like that in Kung-Fu Assassin.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sonny Chow is dead. [walks back into the other room, where the medical examiner is standing over Ricca's body] Doctor, give me a good note.
Medical Examiner: He was clutching some hair. He must have grabbed it off the killer's head. That means we have a shot at some DNA.
Adrian Monk: How could he grab any hair? We just saw the tape. The intruder was wearing a hood.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well it could have fallen off during the fight.
Medical Examiner: Because we hit her. The victim wrote you a note. [Under Ricca's right hand is the word "OW," written in blood. Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher all squat to examine it]
Lt. Randall Disher: "OW"? Why would anybody write "OW"? Usually, that's something you'd say. [Monk moves Ricca's arm aside, revealing the whole word: "CHOW"] Oh my God. Chow's alive. Sir, the rumors are true: he's been hiding out overseas just waiting for a time to make a comeback.

[In the woods, Monk stumbles and grabs a tree to keep his balance.]
Adrian Monk: Ooh, I got nature, I got nature on my hand! [Natalie wipes off the dirt with a leaf] What are you doing? You can't clean nature with nature!

[In the woods]
Adrian Monk: Are we lost? Tell me the truth, I can take it.
Natalie Teeger: We're... [Stottlemeyer mouths, "NO!"] ...not lost.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God! WE'RE LOST!

[Julie has to go to the bathroom.]
Monk: No, Julie, wait. Here. I'll give you ten dollars to hold it in.
Julie: Really?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what are you doing? You can't pay a person not to pee!
Monk: Best money I ever spent.
Julie: Sure he can. It's called the free market. I learned about it in school. So, Mr. Monk... how much would you pay me not to throw up?
[about five miles later]
Julie: Here.
Monk: What's this?
Julie: I'm returning your money. I'm not gonna make it.

[Julie's teacher has disqualified her science project, and Natalie needs Monk to validate that Julie's project is legitimate]
Natalie Teeger: What do you call a guy who studies fish?
Adrian Monk: An ichthyologist.
Natalie Teeger: That's what you are.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm not.
Natalie Teeger: Yes, you are.
Adrian Monk: I really don't think I am.
Natalie Teeger: For the next five minutes you are.

[Kevin and Monk are looking inside Val Birch's house, and are debating whether they can go in]
Kevin Dorfman: I know, I'll lean in.
Adrian Monk: What?
Kevin Dorfman: Yeah, you can lean anywhere you want to. It's in the Constitution.
Adrian Monk: I can't imagine what Constitution you're referring to.

[Mob "associate" Vince insists on guarding Monk and Sharona.]
Vince: Uncle Sal told me [to] keep an eye on you. It's for your own protection.
Adrian Monk: It's a little insulting. I haven't needed a babysitter since I was nineteen.
Sharona Fleming: You had a babysitter when you were nineteen?
Adrian Monk: Everyone did. It was the seventies; it was a crazy time.

[Monk accidentally gets pushed onto a departing subway train]
Sharona: Sir, sir! You've got to stop that train, he's all alone-!
Subway Cop: All right, ma'am, just calm down. It happens all the time. [lifts his radio] What's his name?
Sharona: Adrian Monk.
Subway Cop: And how old is he?
Sharona: He's forty-five.

[Monk and Christie look through Jenny's special privilages]
Adrian Monk: Tell me about the Lobster Barrel.
Joe Christie: It's a family place. It's noisy, there's a million kids. You wouldn't last five minutes. It's got a great all-you-can-eat buffet with seven different kinds of shrimp: jumbo shrimp, batter-dipped shrimp, tempura shrimp...
Adrian Monk: Okay, stop telling me about the Lobster Barrel.
Joe Christie: ...barbecued shrimp...
Adrian Monk: Stop.

[Monk and Kevin have been to Birch's house and Monk decides he has to get closer]
Adrian Monk: I have to get closer.
Kevin Dorfman: Closer? Yesterday, we were in the front row. You can't get much closer than that.
[cuts to another Treasure Chest show in the process of being taped]
Roddy Lankman: Please welcome to the show Adrian Monk! [Monk feverishly steps out, and uprights a gold goblet before taking his place at his podium] Welcome to the show, Adrian. [Kevin and Dwight are watching the show on the backstage monitors]
Kevin Dorfman: Mr. E, you are not going to regret this.
Roddy Lankman: [onstage] -Before we start, is there anybody you would like to say hello to?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Roddy Lankman: Who'd that be?
Adrian Monk: Sharona. She's in New Jersey, visiting her mother.
Roddy Lankman: That's very nice. How long have you and Sharona been married?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. Sharona is my nurse. I was married but my wife Trudy was killed by a car bomb. [cuts to backstage]
Stagehand: Did he just say "car bomb"?
Adrian Monk: [continuing] Which is why I've devoted my life to putting criminals behind bars.

[Monk and Natalie are waiting for Sonny Chow's coffin to be opened; Monk is examining pickle jars containing preserved organs]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, this was not in my job description. Let's get out of here.
Adrian Monk: Oh I'm okay. What a beautiful pancreas. [Stottlemeyer, Disher, and a doctor come in]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: OK, here we go. [They open the lid of the coffin]
Doctor: Hello...
Natalie Teeger: [covers her eyes] Oh, my God...
Doctor: We're so sorry to disturb you.
[They take a part of the corpse, and examine it under a microscope]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, you're the expert. Is it him or not?
Lt. Randall Disher: It's hard to say. I mean, Sonny had a lot more hair... and skin.
Doctor: We'll know soon enough. It'll take two minutes to compare these with his old dental records.

[Monk and Natalie have brought Tommy along as they stake out the Carlyles]
Natalie Teeger: Oh, my God! What is this? Why is he wearing a helmet?
Adrian Monk: To protect his head.
Natalie Teeger: It must be so uncomfortable.
Adrian Monk: Oh, he'll get used to it. I used to wear one all the time.
Natalie Teeger: Your parents made you wear a helmet?
Adrian Monk: No.

[Monk and Sharona are in a diner where Monk wants to use his one pair of handcuffs to arrest someone who urinated in public earlier.]
Sharona Fleming: That man took a whizz in the subway. That man [gestures to Steven Leight] killed four people in cold blood. Now who do you think we should arrest? [Monk thinks it over]
Adrian Monk: [hesitantly] The murderer.

[Monk and Sharona are speeding through the streets to stop Lester Highsmith]
Adrian Monk: A Stop sign is not a suggestion!!
Sharona Fleming: Yes it is!
[cuts to Lester and his accomplice loading money boxes into the back of their van. After finishing loading the money, Lester pulls out his sidearm Glock and draws it on the hostage guard]
Lester Highsmith: Sorry, Kelly, nothing personal. [Monk and Sharona come speeding into the industrial park. Lester and his partner look up as the car screeches to a stop]
Adrian Monk: Lester! Drop the gun!
Lester Highsmith: You? [starts to lower his gun, but stops] Is that a water pistol? [The barrel is dripping]
Adrian Monk: No. [pause] Maybe. [Lester starts to raise his gun again. Police cars begin to approach just behind Monk] It's... scalding! It's scalding hot water! Just drop it! [As an unmarked unit screeches to a stop, Stottlemeyer hangs out the door]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Lester, drop it!