Dee: [reading a letter Mac wrote to baseball player Chase Utley] Alright, Oh shit there's stickers. "Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike." Really? "I would love to meet you some day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did, and I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real 'home run.'"

Dee: Whoa, there are a lot of cats in this wall.
Charlie: Yeah, I put a lot of cats in that wall.

Dennis: And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
(pause for 7 seconds whilst Dennis seeks comments from the gang)
Frank: That is brilliant, that is the most brilliant movie I've ever heard in my life!
Charlie: I think the audience is gonna be very uncomfortable seeing Dolph Lundgren's naked penis going in to this young girl that you're talking about.
Dennis: Yeah, just to be clear though, I don't care either way.

Dennis: As a matter of fact I'm starting to think think we need to intervene on you for your goddamn illiteracy.
Dee: Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.
Charlie: Come on, alright, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy. You know, what does that word even mean?

Dennis: By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing, I think it's brilliant. I mean I'm active, I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted. If I was holding a wine glass right now I'd be spilling wine all over the god damn place.

Dennis: Can I stop you guys for one second? What you just described, now that just sounds like we are singing about about the lifestyle of an eagle.
Charlie: Yeah.
Mac: Mm-hmm.
Dennis: Well I was under the impression we were presenting ourselves as bird-MEN which, to me, is infinitely cooler than just sort of... being a bird.

Dennis: D: Demonstrate Value
Dennis: E: Engage Physically
Dennis: N: Nurture Dependence
Dennis: N: Neglect Emotionally
Dennis: I: Inspire Hope
Dennis: S: Separate Entirely

Dennis: Hey yo! Hey what's..what...what are you doing there buddy?
Charlie: Argh! I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey, but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face and I think I just swallowed one.
Dennis: As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Charlie: I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.
Dennis: There is some very basic science out there supporting that.
Charlie: No, no.
Dennis: Trust me, pal. Okay, it's actually a fact. It's not even science.

Dennis: Heyo!
Mac: Yo, where you been?
Dennis: What do you mean? I was getting the movie.
Mac: Yeah, but you weren't answering any of my calls. I've been, I've been calling you sort of over and over again.
Dennis: I was having a conversation with the video store clerk.
Mac: Yeah, but I texted you 911, dude. That means it's an emergency.
Dennis: Yeah, I saw that. What was the emergency, Mac?
Mac: Well, I couldn't get in touch with you, dude. I almost called the police.
Dennis: The police? That's a bit of an overreaction. I was gone for what, an hour?
Mac: Yeah, but I thought we had a deal. You know, you would check in every once in a while and then that way I would know that you were okay.
Dennis: Okay, I'm okay. Uh, I'm sorry, can we watch the movie?
Mac: Yeah, great, sure. The Transporter 2 ?
Dennis: Yeah, I, look, man, I... , I know you wanted to see Predator again but I feel like we've seen that 30 times in the last two months and thought maybe we could mix things up. Video store clerk guy said this movie is awesome, so...
Mac: The video store clerk guy. I feel like you won't stop talking about him.
Dennis: I asked him for a movie recommendation, okay?
Mac: Yeah, you got one.
Dennis: It's really not that big of a deal.
Mac: Well, the big deal, Dennis, is that I wasn't even consulted on the decision, okay? And this is a big deal to me, as well. It's also my night. Plus, Transporter 2? We haven't seen Transporter 1 which means we'll be completely lost... Plus, Jason Statham's physique is nothing like the line-up in Predator.
Dennis: Okay, will you stop? I don't want to have conversations anymore about dudes' physiques and whether they can...
Mac: Dennis, in body mass alone...
Dennis: That's what I was trying to avoid. A conversation about body mass, okay? We've had that conversation five times a day for the last month because we keep watching Predator and all you talk about is Weathers and Jesse "The Body" Ventura and how many pounds they can pack on...
Mac: It's important to pack on mass. You're talking about carbo-loading.
Dennis: I don't want to, I don't want to have this conversation with you anymore.
Mac: No, you'd rather have conversations with video store clerks.
Dennis: You know what, man, if you don't wanna watch the movie with me, that's fine. I will watch it by myself. Goddamn it!
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, where is this coming from?
Dennis: I have been thinking a lot about what Dee said and I do think... maybe we are spending a little bit too much time together.

Dennis: I hate to tell you this bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the facade of Citizens Bank, you just don't.
Mac: What?! I work out all the time!
Dennis: Yeah but you only work out your glamour muscles and you know it.
Mac: I work out my core.
Dennis: No you do not work out your core. You're totally arm heavy, you're all bi's and tri's and everything else is just fat and, and ribs.
Mac: Bro I can do way more push ups than you and that's like 16 different muscle groups I think.
Dennis: That is beyond retarded what you're saying right now. I can do way more push ups then you even though I was just hit by a car...

Dennis: I'll tell you what buddy, I can help you out. I'm gonna toss a frame-bang your way. Here's how that works: I slip into your house one night while your wife is sleeping.. and I ease into her real nice. That way you're both cheating on each other and she can't clean you out.

Dennis: Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. Umm��how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Charlie: Oh, milk-steak.
Dennis and Mac: (simultaneously) Hmm?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Milk-steak.
Dennis: I'm not putting milk-steak.
Mac: Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie: Don't put regular steak, put milk-steak, she'll know what it is.
Dennis: No she won't know what it is! Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright what's your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uhh��magnets.
Dennis: Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Mac: Playing with magnets?
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: I'm just gonna put snowboarding. We'll just put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don't really snowboard.
Dennis: What are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uhh��ghouls
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about?
Charlie: Just funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: W-What like in movies, or in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghoul buddies!
Mac: Don't write ghouls!
Dennis: I'm not! I'm putting travel! Jesus Christ, what are your dislikes?
Charlie: People's knees.
Dennis: Oh come on dude! Come on!
Mac: Bro, you gotta be kid-you know what we'll just make it all up.
Dennis: We'll make the whole thing up.
Mac: We'll doctor the picture.
Dennis: We aren't even going to use you for this.
Charlie: Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.

Dennis: Maybe we should take a page out of ol' D &B's book.

Dennis: No, no, of course we shouldn't bash these people up. Look, OK, absolutely, we could cave the husband's skull in here. Yes, we could take the wife down to the basement, have a frenzied free-for-all with her. We could tie the kids up in their little rooms upstairs, so they wouldn't hear anything.....
Mac: In that scenario you'd have to kill the kids because they would have seen our faces.
Dennis: Right; we could smear the walls with their blood, guys... There are any number of twisted scenarios that could play out here. But the easiest thing, really, is to just go get the deed.
Charlie: Right, why get weird?

Dennis: Oh,do me a favor. Peel this apple for me please.
Dee: No, no I'm not gonna peel an apple for you.
Dennis: But Mac always does it for me.
Dee: Why does Mac peel apples for you?
Dennis: He doesn't like for me to eat the apple with the skin on it. He said the skin is loaded with toxins.
Dee: Ok, well good news Mac's not here.
Dennis: I know he's not here and that's why I need you to do it for me please, please.
Dee: Ah! Jesus just eat it with the skin on.
Dennis: [panicking] I do not like it with the skin Dee! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin, I'm not allowed!
Dee: Oh my god alright if you just shut up I will peel the apple for you the way Mac likes you to eat it. Give it to me, give it to me. I'll do it the way Mac insists, okay?