Charlie (disgusted): NO! NO! NO! NO! WHAT WAS THAT?!
Dennis: A couple of homeless guys banging each other!
Charlie: I know that, but why?! That's not magical! That's not romantic!

Charlie: "Yeah, me too. I would love to go on a vacation."
Mac: "Yeah but not to the Jersey Shore though. That place sounds like a nightmare."
Dennis:" What's wrong with the Jersey Shore?"
Mac: "Come on, you've seen that TV show. It's just a bunch of sweaty Guidos getting hopped up on energy drinks and giving each other diseases."

Charlie: �The other day we were hanging out under the bridge, we found a box of denim, and I'm like "these look like good jeans in here," and (Frank)'s like "Wanna split them with me 50/50?" That's a nice thing to do.��

Charlie: Do you remember Psycho Pete?
Ingrid: Unfortunately, yes.
Charlie: Any word on if he's coming tonight or...
Ingrid: Well, I hope not. He's the reason we have extra security. He threatened to burn down the building.
Charlie: Ha, that's...
Mac: He was probably just joking.
Charlie: That's his sense of humor.
Mac: He has a very dark sense of humor.
Charlie: You gotta lighten up around Pete.
Ingrid: Was he joking when he cut his family into little pieces and ate them for Christmas dinner?
Charlie: [pause] That doesn't sound like a joke.
Mac: Did that really happen?
Charlie: Yeah, that sounds much more serious.

Charlie: Hoooooolllllyyyy Shhhittt! Is that the ocean?
Dennis: Yeah buddy that's the ocean.
Charlie: What's on the other side of it there?
Frank: Europe
Charlie: Now how long would it take....
Dennis: Do not try to swim to Europe.
Charlie: Don't swim to Europe.

Dennis: I want to be inside you. I want to do shit to you that is gonna make you realize what a boring, worthless, piece-of-shit your husband really is.
Christie: Wait a second, I'm confused. Why would you want to have sex with me?
Dennis: Why the hell wouldn't I wanna have sex with you? I mean, bam, bam, boom.
Christie: Because you're gay.
Dennis: What?! I'm not gay.
Christie: Dude, you're wearing makeup.
Dennis: Yeah, I'm wearing a little bit of makeup. Who doesn't...
Christie: And a girdle.
Dennis: Yeah, I wanted to seem thin for the occasion. That's not weird.
Christie: You've also been gossiping with me for the last twenty minutes.
Dennis: I was speeding through the steps. I have the system that... I was demonstrating value on the dance floor, and then I engaged you physically when I put my hands on your hips. Now I'm nurturing your dependence by letting you talk shit about your boring, worthless, piece-of-shit husband. Then I was gonna take you into an empty broom closet and I was gonna bang the shit out of you. And then I was gonna neglect you emotionally. That's what I do, Christie. And it was working. I was manipulating your feeble little brain into doing what I want. What I want. And then now it's what you want.
Christie: [getting away] Ew!
Dennis: "Ew," okay, yeah, well, your husband is a liar, how about that, Christie? Yeah, stay with a liar! And a deceiver! [talking to everyone, or no one in particular] Yeah, Tim does not deserve to be the king of the mountaintop! I am the king of the mountaintop! I reign supreme over everyone in this school. I am the golden god of this place. I reign supreme! I! I!

Dennis: Oh-ho-ho, you just couldn't stand it, could you? You couldn't stand Dennis Reynolds...reigning on high! King of all the school! Master of everybody! You couldn't stand it, so you had to turn everybody against me.
Tim Murphy: Dude, listen to yourself. Nobody turned anybody against you. You were never really that cool to begin with.
Adriano: Seriously, man. You would just come around saying weird shit about being a golden god or some other insane crap. And referring to all of us as your minions.
Tim: You always acted like you were better than everybody else, but then you'd just go and you'd hang out with Ronnie the Rat or Dirtgrub under the bleachers or behind a Dumpster or something. It was...it was really weird.
Dennis: Okay. Well, if I wasn't the coolest guy in the school, then why did you have to try to tear me down by sleeping with my prom date?
Tim: I didn't sleep with your prom date.
Dennis: YES YOU DID!
Tim: No, I didn't. [points to Mac] Ronnie the Rat did.
Dennis: Wait, what?
Tim: Ronald McDonald slept with your prom date. Did he tell you I slept with her? I never would've slept with that chick. She was gross.

Dennis: You look fat as shit! I'm getting very concerned with the integrity of our organization here. Mac, you have gained 50 pounds of fat.��
Mac: �Mass.��
Dennis: �Fat.��
Mac: �Muscle.��
Dennis: Let's be clear. Fat.��

Frank: I love eggs, Charlie. And I love crabs. And I love boiling denim and banging whores. And I don't care if anyone doesn't like that about me, they don't have to stick around.

Frank: Roxy, God Bless you. You were a good whore, you serviced me like no other whore ever did; not only my crank, but my heart - and I'm gonna miss you. AMEN.

Frank: Roxy, you are good shit and I want to make this legit. I'm still gonna pay you - but I want you to stop banging other guys. What do you say? You wanna be my wife or what?
[To Roxy's Corpse]

Frank: We gotta write a song about how we do not diddle kids! (singing) "Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids!"
Mac (annoyed): There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!
Frank: You gotta write a song like:
I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, no little kids, gotta be big, older than my wife, older than my wife, something like that... (Charlie looks at Mac, as if to say, "Should I? 'Cause I have an idea...")

Mac (annoyed): Don't write a song about that.

Mac: "As a man who works very hard to maintain a certain level of physical excellence... I find shortcuts insulting. Now give me a piece of ham now!"
(Charlie, Dennis and Sweet Dee have just run into two homeless men having anal sex under the boardwalk, just as Dennis has been telling Charlie about the romanticism of the Boardwalk.)

Mac: �But I'm healthy besides the diabitis.
Doctor: �Um, no.
Mac: �But I'm more healthier than he is, is the point I think you're trying to make, even with the diabitis.
Dennis: Dude, stop saying "diabitis"! You sound like an ass...