Charlie: I'll pull a Good Will Hunting. (To the frat boys) What's your major dude?
Frat Boy: Economics
Charlie: (In Boston accent) Oh, I bet you read a lotta Gordon Wood, huh? You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook and you think you're wicked awesome doin' that, And how 'bout 'dem apples? And all that Gordon Wood business.
Frat Boy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Other Frat Boy: You are an idiot.
Mac: You are an idiot.
Charlie: Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?

Charlie: Look at this, dude. That's just a bucket of chestnuts.
Dennis: Who has-
Mac: What, is he just foraging for his food?
Charlie: I don't know, why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts, bro?!

Charlie: My god, there's not enough salt in the world for her.

Charlie: Nice tape job but, I noticed you stopped at the grill.
Dennis: Ran out of tape but, I measured the opening of the door and it's shorter than the height of the grill.

Charlie: Oh my god. That was a terrible experience for me by the way.
Dennis: Of course, nobody likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.
Dee: She doesn't leave you with any options.
Charlie: Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.

Charlie: Says the guy who knows nothing about the law!
Dennis: I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro. It's no different than having a parrot or a parakeet. It's a bird, bro.
Charlie: You really can't, and I'm not saying I agree with it. It's just that bird law in this country--it's not governed by reason.
Dennis: There's no such thing as "bird law".
Charlie: Yes, there is.
Dennis: You know what? I'm going to get a hummingbird and I'll show you.
Charlie: Hummingbirds...hummingbirds are illegal tender!
Dennis: I'm going to get one.
Charlie: You cannot.
Dennis: To spite you, I'm going to get one.
Mac: Where are we with gulls?
Charlie: You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't want to live with a seabird, okay, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...have you ever heard a gull up close? It's going to blast your eardrums out, dude.

Charlie: Sorry about that, some guy in the bathroom wouldn't give me his shirt.

Charlie: Tell you what, let me pop a quick H on this box this way we all know that it's filled with hornets.

Charlie: We live and die by the crab, Dee.

Charlie: We're both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and there's a mutual respect left over between us.

Charlie: We're crab people now Dee.
Dee: Crab people, Charlie?

Charlie: Well I guess my letter would be about how Frank and I aren't really making memories together anymore. And you know how when we don't make memories together that's a hurtful thing for me.
Dennis: Okay. Uhh, you know let's just dive right in I'm not even going to try and suss out where you're going with that one.
Charlie: Right. Um, number one, when was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
Dennis: Oh, uh, okay. Wha-what is that?
Charlie: Well, its not about you... why don't you just right it down and then... ?
Dennis: Yeah, but you said it... you said Night Crawlers. Now... now I feel like I can't... move past it. I gotta know what that is.
Charlie: It... its no big deal, you know. If I were you I'd just write it down cause its not really a big deal.
Dennis: What is it?
Charlie: Its... what it sounds like.
Dennis: What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms at night. That's what it sounds like.
Charlie: This is not about you.

Charlie: Yes, my good man, I'll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans...raw.

Charlie: You don't know shit about chicks!!!
Dennis: oh! we don't know shit about chicks?? so guess what bro, the waitress is getting marriage so suck on that!!!.......

Dee & Dennis: Intervention! Intervention!
Charlie: Whoop! Whoop!
Charlie & Dennis: You're trapped! You're trapped! You're trapped!