It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes
334 total quotesDennis: Glad that went well. Now that's settled I'm gonna go get in that girls pants now.
Mac: I thought they were engaged dude.
Dennis: Yeah engaged come on that's just a word doesn't mean anything.
Mac: It means they're getting married.
Dennis: Ahh married engaged ahh just words. You know my parents were married engaged once you saw how that worked out. All right I'm gonna go bang that chick enjoy wearing that keg for the rest of the competition.
Season 4
Mac: I thought they were engaged dude.
Dennis: Yeah engaged come on that's just a word doesn't mean anything.
Mac: It means they're getting married.
Dennis: Ahh married engaged ahh just words. You know my parents were married engaged once you saw how that worked out. All right I'm gonna go bang that chick enjoy wearing that keg for the rest of the competition.
Season 4
Dennis: Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.
Mac: (walks in from the office) Helloooo!!! What's up bitches?
Charlie: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.
Mac: (walks in from the office) Helloooo!!! What's up bitches?
Charlie: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.
Dennis: Margaret, you like sweat, don't you. Margaret--it is Margaret, isn't it? Of course it is. You know, your eyebrow drives me crazy. It's so thick, i'ts so dark, so very...connected. You're a stone cold fox, Margaret. You're a stone cold fox, and I want you. I gotta have you--I need you. I want you inside me. But you know that, don't you, Margaret?
Dennis: Some gay guys are twinks, and others are bears. This gay guy's a bear. By the way we're totally cool with that. To each his own.
Frank: Wait, I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
Dennis: A twink is small and slender, like Mac.
Mac: Oh no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear.
Dennis: Ohh don't think so bro. Not hairy enough.
Frank: Smooth. I would be a bear.
Dennis: No no, see I don't think you'd be a bear either. As a matter of fact, I don't know what you would be, because you're definitely not a twink.
Frank: I'd be a top, that's for sure.
Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears?
Dennis: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth, but I think more often than not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power-bottoms.
Frank: What's a power-bottom?
Mac: A power-bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Dennis: Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See, a power-bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
Frank: Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.
Dennis: Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game. Right, buddy?
(notices that Corporate Guy has left)
Mac: Goddammit!
Frank: Wait, I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
Dennis: A twink is small and slender, like Mac.
Mac: Oh no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear.
Dennis: Ohh don't think so bro. Not hairy enough.
Frank: Smooth. I would be a bear.
Dennis: No no, see I don't think you'd be a bear either. As a matter of fact, I don't know what you would be, because you're definitely not a twink.
Frank: I'd be a top, that's for sure.
Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears?
Dennis: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth, but I think more often than not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power-bottoms.
Frank: What's a power-bottom?
Mac: A power-bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Dennis: Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See, a power-bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
Frank: Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.
Dennis: Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game. Right, buddy?
(notices that Corporate Guy has left)
Mac: Goddammit!
Dennis: Timmy, will you recite for our husky friend here the little courtroom speech we prepared?
Timmy: I have a friend, his name is Wendell. He showed me funny movies with furry naked people in them. He gives me juice boxes that make me sleepy.
Wendell: All right, I get it.
Timmy: He's silly. He's a tickle monster!
Wendell: Listen, kid, I said I get it, OK?
Timmy: He makes me taste things I don't want to. He puts things in my hiney.
(Both Dee and Dennis wince)
Wendell: Goddammit, will you make the kid stop? Please, come on.
Dee: Yeah, I think that ought to do it.
Dennis: Yeah, that's good, Timmy. So you'll leave?
Wendell: Yeah. I'll leave. [winks at Timmy as he closes the door]
Timmy: I have a friend, his name is Wendell. He showed me funny movies with furry naked people in them. He gives me juice boxes that make me sleepy.
Wendell: All right, I get it.
Timmy: He's silly. He's a tickle monster!
Wendell: Listen, kid, I said I get it, OK?
Timmy: He makes me taste things I don't want to. He puts things in my hiney.
(Both Dee and Dennis wince)
Wendell: Goddammit, will you make the kid stop? Please, come on.
Dee: Yeah, I think that ought to do it.
Dennis: Yeah, that's good, Timmy. So you'll leave?
Wendell: Yeah. I'll leave. [winks at Timmy as he closes the door]
Dennis: You know what, I'm walking from this. [Frank slaps him] Ow. What the hell, dude?!
Frank: I'm knocking some sense into you, Dennis. This is all you got.
[He slaps Dennis again]
Dennis: Ah! Dude, why do you keep hitting me?
Frank: Don't talk back to me.
Dennis: OK, sorry.
Frank: Look, I'm going to get you out of this. It's you and me against the world. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.
Dennis: You promise?
Frank: I promise. And hey, I don't want to hit you, baby. So please don't make me, OK? You're my one and only. You've go to do right by me, OK?
Dennis: OK.
Frank: I'm knocking some sense into you, Dennis. This is all you got.
[He slaps Dennis again]
Dennis: Ah! Dude, why do you keep hitting me?
Frank: Don't talk back to me.
Dennis: OK, sorry.
Frank: Look, I'm going to get you out of this. It's you and me against the world. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.
Dennis: You promise?
Frank: I promise. And hey, I don't want to hit you, baby. So please don't make me, OK? You're my one and only. You've go to do right by me, OK?
Dennis: OK.
Frank: What the hell is that?
Mac: It's a baby we found in the trash.
Frank: [pauses] Well, put it back. It doesn't belong to you.
Mac: It's a baby we found in the trash.
Frank: [pauses] Well, put it back. It doesn't belong to you.
Frank: After we made love, she did get pregnant. But she had an abortion.
Charlie: Really?
Frank: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Well, are you sure she went through with it, dude? 'Cause she probably didn't tell you.
Frank: She probably went right from the clinic and banged some guy and got knocked up, because your mother was a giant whore.
Charlie: Really?
Frank: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Well, are you sure she went through with it, dude? 'Cause she probably didn't tell you.
Frank: She probably went right from the clinic and banged some guy and got knocked up, because your mother was a giant whore.
Frank: Charlie's right! We shouldn't be breakin' our shit! We should be out there breakin' other peoples' shit! That's rock and roll!
Frank: Charlie, I need a woman. I need a woman to...to cook for me, and clean up after me, and somebody that will do everything I say.
Charlie: Well, that's just a maid. You want a maid?
Frank: Yeah, that's right, a maid. A maid I can bang. A bang-maid.
Charlie: Well, that's just a maid. You want a maid?
Frank: Yeah, that's right, a maid. A maid I can bang. A bang-maid.
Frank: How did you guys get a hotel room without puttin' a credit card down?
Mac: We did use a credit card, man. I took it out of your wallet. (smashes a lamp)
Frank (sitting up): Wait a minute, my credit card number's down at the desk?
Mac: Yeah.
Frank (panicked): You mean, we're smashin' up a hotel room with my credit card down at the desk? Why would you do that?
Mac: Uh, they don't let you book a hotel room without putting a credit card down, Frank. What year do you think it is? (smashes a wine bottle against a wall)
Frank: We gotta put this stuff back together again!
Mac: What?
Frank: Charlie, get the glue! Gimme the glue!
Charlie: Glue is for huffing, dude!
Frank: Gimme the glue!
Mac: It's part of the process! It's part of the process, Frank!
Frank: THIS IS NOT ROCK AND ROLL!
Mac: We did use a credit card, man. I took it out of your wallet. (smashes a lamp)
Frank (sitting up): Wait a minute, my credit card number's down at the desk?
Mac: Yeah.
Frank (panicked): You mean, we're smashin' up a hotel room with my credit card down at the desk? Why would you do that?
Mac: Uh, they don't let you book a hotel room without putting a credit card down, Frank. What year do you think it is? (smashes a wine bottle against a wall)
Frank: We gotta put this stuff back together again!
Mac: What?
Frank: Charlie, get the glue! Gimme the glue!
Charlie: Glue is for huffing, dude!
Frank: Gimme the glue!
Mac: It's part of the process! It's part of the process, Frank!
Frank: THIS IS NOT ROCK AND ROLL!
Frank: I got good news! Your mother is dead--ha!
Dennis: Yeah, right. Nice try. Very funny, Frank.
Frank: I'm serious this time. She had a botched neck lift! She's as dead as disco--hehehe! Who wants champagne?! [Frank pops the cork on a bottle of champagne]
Dennis: Yeah, right. Nice try. Very funny, Frank.
Frank: I'm serious this time. She had a botched neck lift! She's as dead as disco--hehehe! Who wants champagne?! [Frank pops the cork on a bottle of champagne]