It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes
334 total quotesFrank: So the Wendy's manager was like "You gotta clean dat up!" and I was like they're your hamburgers you clean them up. Artemis was all bummed out about something I did to myself with the onions and now she won't talk to me.
Frank: There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!
Dee: Wow, That's my dad everyone!
Dee: Wow, That's my dad everyone!
Frank: This is going to be exactly like Woodstock.
Dee: Oh, is it? Ooh, are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom of your cousin's Winnebago for 3 days?
Frank: Shut up about that! I survived on hand soap and toilet water for three days. The memory haunts me.
Dee: Oh, is it? Ooh, are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom of your cousin's Winnebago for 3 days?
Frank: Shut up about that! I survived on hand soap and toilet water for three days. The memory haunts me.
Frank: We gotta write a song about how we do not diddle kids! (singing) "Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids!"
Mac (annoyed): There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!
Frank: You gotta write a song like:
I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, no little kids, gotta be big, older than my wife, older than my wife, something like that... (Charlie looks at Mac, as if to say, "Should I? 'Cause I have an idea...")
Mac (annoyed): There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!
Frank: You gotta write a song like:
I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, no little kids, gotta be big, older than my wife, older than my wife, something like that... (Charlie looks at Mac, as if to say, "Should I? 'Cause I have an idea...")
Frank: We're trying to piece a night together and we need your help.
Artemis: I don't remember that night.
Frank: I didn't tell you which night yet.
Artemis: I don't remember most evenings.
Artemis: I don't remember that night.
Frank: I didn't tell you which night yet.
Artemis: I don't remember most evenings.
Frank: When we get out of this, I'm gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast...Not in the sexual way! In the 'I am pissed off' sort of way.
Frank: You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. You want this baby boy's hole, you gotta pay the troll toll.
Charlie: Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying "boy's hole", and it's clearly "soul". And I know, Artemis, you did write "soul", right?
Artemis: [writing on her script] I did write "soul". I definitely did.
Charlie: Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying "boy's hole", and it's clearly "soul". And I know, Artemis, you did write "soul", right?
Artemis: [writing on her script] I did write "soul". I definitely did.
Frank: You're not calling the cops! They'll find the bug I'm gonna plant!
Dee: That's a baby monitor, Frank. You're planting a baby monitor?
Frank: Yeah, a lot of people are bugging their babies these days... I guess babies can't be trusted...
Dee: What are you expecting to find?
Frank: Lot of shady shit.
Dee: Like what?
Frank: Like maybe Bruce is banging dudes!
Dee: Why would that be shady?
Frank: Maybe the dudes are babies!
Dee: What?! Bruce is not banging any baby dudes!!
[The gang driving in the rape van]
Dee: That's a baby monitor, Frank. You're planting a baby monitor?
Frank: Yeah, a lot of people are bugging their babies these days... I guess babies can't be trusted...
Dee: What are you expecting to find?
Frank: Lot of shady shit.
Dee: Like what?
Frank: Like maybe Bruce is banging dudes!
Dee: Why would that be shady?
Frank: Maybe the dudes are babies!
Dee: What?! Bruce is not banging any baby dudes!!
[The gang driving in the rape van]
Frank: You're not ready for this fight, you're not...
Dee: Oh, I have an idea, dad! Why don't you shut your fat little monkey face, and hold the bag!
Dee: Oh, I have an idea, dad! Why don't you shut your fat little monkey face, and hold the bag!