Frank: How do kids study on this god damn ritterall? I can't stop grinding my teeth

Frank: I got good news! Your mother is dead--ha!
Dennis: Yeah, right. Nice try. Very funny, Frank.
Frank: I'm serious this time. She had a botched neck lift! She's as dead as disco--hehehe! Who wants champagne?! [Frank pops the cork on a bottle of champagne]

Frank: I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!

Frank: I love eggs, Charlie. And I love crabs. And I love boiling denim and banging whores. And I don't care if anyone doesn't like that about me, they don't have to stick around.

Frank: I'm doing this jerk-off's taxes. Next year, the IRS will audit the piss out of him!

Frank: I'm going to go oil my chainsaw.
Dee: What?
Dennis: Frank, we don't need the chainsaw. Is that what's in that bag?
Frank: Oh, we do...because drawing a confession out of someone is like doing a beautiful dance...a beautiful dance with a chainsaw.
Dennis: He makes less and less sense as the days go by.
Sweet Dee: I don't get it...at all.

Frank: I'm startin' to feel it.
Charlie: I bet you are, bud.
Frank: I'm feelin' weird.
Charlie: Yeah, you're probably feeling very weird.
Frank: The acid's makin' me feel like I gotta take a dump.
Charlie: That's what happens when you take a lot of acid, dude.
Frank: I gotta go.
Charlie: Then go.
Frank: The line's too long. Maybe I can hold it in.
Charlie: Then go in the McPoyles' camper, dude.
Frank: I don't know, that might bring back bad memories.
Charlie: Oh my God.
Frank: I think I wanna hold it. How you feelin'?
Charlie: Annoyed.
Frank: Nothin' kickin' in yet?
Charlie: What are you talking about, the beer?
Frank: No, the acid.
Charlie: I did not take any acid, remember?
Frank: [laughing] Oh yeah you did.
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Frank: I put a shitload of it in your beer.
Charlie: What!? Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating in my be..?!
Frank: Yeah.
Charlie: I drank all that shit, dude!
Frank: That's OK.
Charlie: There was like a ton of acid in there!
Frank: Yeah!
Charlie: Why would you do that?!
Frank: I don't wanna be the only one trippin'.
Charlie: Oh my God, man! Oh my God! Oh my God!...
Frank: Charlie, I actually really need to go take a dump.
Charlie: Shut up! I don't care! Go! Go in the camper, dude! Get out of here!
Frank: [walks away]
Charlie: Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude! Why would you d..!? Oh shit! Oh shit!

Frank: Look how loose his jeans are!!

Frank: Masturbating Bums are bad for Business.

Frank: Now, it's all good up to right here--
(A cardboard box comes flying out of the well, followed by Dee. The gang throws up their hands in disgust.)

Frank: Oh no, I'm going out, I'm going guns blazing!
Rickety Cricket: Rise up! Gonna get higher and higher!
Mac: Rickety Cricket! Lookin' good bro'.
Rickety Cricket: Thanks I'm almost done!
Charlie & Dee: Ram bop bop bop bop bopp bopa bopa boppa ba!
Frank: How you guys doin?
Charlie & Dee: Oh were doing fine fantastic. Absolutely! Hey check it out we got all the cocaine.
Mac: Well ok but we got bigger problems, me and Dennis just pissed off the Don's wife because we wouldn't bang her so we just need to be prepared for anything.dd> Dee: Oooh I tell you what I will get my gun. [Pulls out handgun]
Charlie: Whoa where'd you get a gun?
Dee: Ooh went back to Bingo.
Charlie: Oh really well you should've told me because I've been carrying this thing around all day. [Pulls out gun]
Mac: Guys guys guys we don't need to use guns!
Dee: I'm gonna hide this in my shoe so I can pretend I'm tying my shoe and reach for it!
Frank: And then I'll reach for some cigarettes and when I ask for a light, we come out blastin'!
[Noises from Charlie, Dee and Frank]

Frank: People love well stories!
Dee: Really?
Frank: Yeah!
Dee: I don't know. That well thing seems a little played-out. I mean, who gets stuck in a well anymore?
Mac: Kittens do!
Dee: Kittens? You put those kitties down there?
Mac: Well...
Dee (annoyed): Oh, man, okay, I'll do it! Just don't set it on fire, okay? I think this is dangerous enough!
Frank: Deandra, use your head! How are we gonna set a well on fire?
Mac: It's filled with water. Save the kittens!
Dee: I'm going! (She gets into the well)
Mac: Save the day! (Frank and Mac start to walk away.)
Frank (motioning to Mac): Gimme the matches.
Mac (handing Frank the matchbox): Yep...
(Cut to the video of the rescue. Frank walks slowly to the well.)

Frank: Roxy, God Bless you. You were a good whore, you serviced me like no other whore ever did; not only my crank, but my heart - and I'm gonna miss you. AMEN.

Frank: Roxy, you are good shit and I want to make this legit. I'm still gonna pay you - but I want you to stop banging other guys. What do you say? You wanna be my wife or what?
[To Roxy's Corpse]

Frank: See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong.
Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.