Dennis: Well what are we gonna do?!
Frank: We're gonna dance our asses off!!

Dennis: What are you doing here?
Mac: Oh, I'm doing the MAC.
Dennis: The MAC?
Mac: Yeah, The MAC: Move in After Completion.

Dennis: What kind of a person salts another human being? There's no joy in salting someone.

Dennis: Where from?
Frenkel: Israel. It just got to be too dangerous. I mean, you know with everything that's happening.
Dennis: Well, that's a tough situation you got over there.
Charlie: Oh yeah, you got that whole tsunami and the...
Mac: No, not that...
Charlie: Well, the superdome thing.
Mac: No, there's no superdome...
Charlie: Well it's one of those places over there.
Mac: It's a different country, Charlie so why don't...
Charlie: Well I'm just trying to help the guy out.
Mac: Why don't you just shut up!

Dennis: Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale.

Dennis: You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He's not a vampire.
Charlie: He eats theater people.
Dennis: No, he doesn't.
Mac: I think he might.
Frank: He does.
Dennis: Do you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is?
Mac: He might not.
Frank: He doesn't.
Charlie: I don't.

Dennis: You bet your ass I'm wearing women's underwear!

Dennis: You drew a man's buttocks on a towel!
Mac: Yeah. You get out of the shower in the college dorm, they got the butt, right, people are laughing --
Dennis: Oh, okay, yeah.
Mac: Your buddies are laughing. And then, and then you give 'em one of these. Boom.
Dennis: Oh, that is big.
Mac: That's a big monster dick.
Dennis: That's huge.
Mac: That's the biggest dick you ever seen.
Dennis: Yeah, that's really --
Mac: Right?
Dennis: That's not how you see yourself, though...
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: That is funny.
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.
Mac: But that's just a setup.
Dennis: What is it?
Mac: For this. Ding-ding-ding!
Dennis: Oh, it's a baby dick!
Mac: Yeah. We're gonna sell a million of these.
Dennis: We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.
Mac: We'll do black ones and yellow ones, for the Asians.
Dennis: Yeah, that...
Mac: This is probably more Asian than anything else.
Dennis: Dude, yeah, oh my gosh.
Mac: Maybe a little bit more bush.
Dennis: Well, you know what we should do? We should set up a website for it.
Mac: Already did it.
Dennis: What? You did?
Mac: Dick towel dot com.

Dennis: You know guys, I think this means that we've been relying on our parents too much, and we need to stick together and make our own Christmas good!
Mac: Dude you're right! Listen I got something to do, but we're gonna do it together!
(Gang walks out of hospital room)

Dennis: You know what I'm concerned about? I don't want to get too bulky. I want to stay nice and lean and tight. I want to get that Jesus on the cross look.
Sweet Dee: I see what you're saying. I think that crucifixion must have been really good for your core.
Dennis: Oh absolutely. Jesus had like the best abs. He had the right idea. He knew no pain no gain.

Dennis: You know what, I'm walking from this. [Frank slaps him] Ow. What the hell, dude?!
Frank: I'm knocking some sense into you, Dennis. This is all you got.
[He slaps Dennis again]
Dennis: Ah! Dude, why do you keep hitting me?
Frank: Don't talk back to me.
Dennis: OK, sorry.
Frank: Look, I'm going to get you out of this. It's you and me against the world. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.
Dennis: You promise?
Frank: I promise. And hey, I don't want to hit you, baby. So please don't make me, OK? You're my one and only. You've go to do right by me, OK?
Dennis: OK.

Dennis: You look fat as shit! I'm getting very concerned with the integrity of our organization here. Mac, you have gained 50 pounds of fat.��
Mac: �Mass.��
Dennis: �Fat.��
Mac: �Muscle.��
Dennis: Let's be clear. Fat.��

Dennis: You mean to tell me you got you face painted like a god damn frog person with no ulterior motive?
Ben: I'm a lizard!

Drug Dealer: What you need?
Dennis: Uh, one, please.
Drug Dealer: One what?
Dennis: Uh... one rock of crack.
Dee: One crack...
Dennis: A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough? I don't...
Dee: Uh... how much would you recommend for a first-time user?

Employer: And you included in your specialties, "Taking care of buisness"?
Charlie: Mmm Hmm
Mac: Mmm Hmm T.C.O.B.
Charlie: Mmm Hmm