Dennis: Heyo!
Mac: Yo, where you been?
Dennis: What do you mean? I was getting the movie.
Mac: Yeah, but you weren't answering any of my calls. I've been, I've been calling you sort of over and over again.
Dennis: I was having a conversation with the video store clerk.
Mac: Yeah, but I texted you 911, dude. That means it's an emergency.
Dennis: Yeah, I saw that. What was the emergency, Mac?
Mac: Well, I couldn't get in touch with you, dude. I almost called the police.
Dennis: The police? That's a bit of an overreaction. I was gone for what, an hour?
Mac: Yeah, but I thought we had a deal. You know, you would check in every once in a while and then that way I would know that you were okay.
Dennis: Okay, I'm okay. Uh, I'm sorry, can we watch the movie?
Mac: Yeah, great, sure. The Transporter 2 ?
Dennis: Yeah, I, look, man, I... , I know you wanted to see Predator again but I feel like we've seen that 30 times in the last two months and thought maybe we could mix things up. Video store clerk guy said this movie is awesome, so...
Mac: The video store clerk guy. I feel like you won't stop talking about him.
Dennis: I asked him for a movie recommendation, okay?
Mac: Yeah, you got one.
Dennis: It's really not that big of a deal.
Mac: Well, the big deal, Dennis, is that I wasn't even consulted on the decision, okay? And this is a big deal to me, as well. It's also my night. Plus, Transporter 2? We haven't seen Transporter 1 which means we'll be completely lost... Plus, Jason Statham's physique is nothing like the line-up in Predator.
Dennis: Okay, will you stop? I don't want to have conversations anymore about dudes' physiques and whether they can...
Mac: Dennis, in body mass alone...
Dennis: That's what I was trying to avoid. A conversation about body mass, okay? We've had that conversation five times a day for the last month because we keep watching Predator and all you talk about is Weathers and Jesse "The Body" Ventura and how many pounds they can pack on...
Mac: It's important to pack on mass. You're talking about carbo-loading.
Dennis: I don't want to, I don't want to have this conversation with you anymore.
Mac: No, you'd rather have conversations with video store clerks.
Dennis: You know what, man, if you don't wanna watch the movie with me, that's fine. I will watch it by myself. Goddamn it!
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, where is this coming from?
Dennis: I have been thinking a lot about what Dee said and I do think... maybe we are spending a little bit too much time together.

Dennis: Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.

Dennis: I don't get it Sweet Dee, There are tons of women in this city; where do they mate with these gorrillas?
Dee: They're at velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Dennis: Oh I see.
Dee: Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley...might as well call it "Rape Bar."

Dennis: I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.

Dennis: I hate to tell you this bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the facade of Citizens Bank, you just don't.
Mac: What?! I work out all the time!
Dennis: Yeah but you only work out your glamour muscles and you know it.
Mac: I work out my core.
Dennis: No you do not work out your core. You're totally arm heavy, you're all bi's and tri's and everything else is just fat and, and ribs.
Mac: Bro I can do way more push ups than you and that's like 16 different muscle groups I think.
Dennis: That is beyond retarded what you're saying right now. I can do way more push ups then you even though I was just hit by a car...

Dennis: I have a proposition too. Why don't you walk in front of me so I don't get your blood all over my feet?

Dennis: I want to be inside you. I want to do shit to you that is gonna make you realize what a boring, worthless, piece-of-shit your husband really is.
Christie: Wait a second, I'm confused. Why would you want to have sex with me?
Dennis: Why the hell wouldn't I wanna have sex with you? I mean, bam, bam, boom.
Christie: Because you're gay.
Dennis: What?! I'm not gay.
Christie: Dude, you're wearing makeup.
Dennis: Yeah, I'm wearing a little bit of makeup. Who doesn't...
Christie: And a girdle.
Dennis: Yeah, I wanted to seem thin for the occasion. That's not weird.
Christie: You've also been gossiping with me for the last twenty minutes.
Dennis: I was speeding through the steps. I have the system that... I was demonstrating value on the dance floor, and then I engaged you physically when I put my hands on your hips. Now I'm nurturing your dependence by letting you talk shit about your boring, worthless, piece-of-shit husband. Then I was gonna take you into an empty broom closet and I was gonna bang the shit out of you. And then I was gonna neglect you emotionally. That's what I do, Christie. And it was working. I was manipulating your feeble little brain into doing what I want. What I want. And then now it's what you want.
Christie: [getting away] Ew!
Dennis: "Ew," okay, yeah, well, your husband is a liar, how about that, Christie? Yeah, stay with a liar! And a deceiver! [talking to everyone, or no one in particular] Yeah, Tim does not deserve to be the king of the mountaintop! I am the king of the mountaintop! I reign supreme over everyone in this school. I am the golden god of this place. I reign supreme! I! I!

Dennis: I'll tell you what buddy, I can help you out. I'm gonna toss a frame-bang your way. Here's how that works: I slip into your house one night while your wife is sleeping.. and I ease into her real nice. That way you're both cheating on each other and she can't clean you out.

Dennis: Is this supposed to be dirt? it smells like shit!
Frank: It is shit! Its a barnyard!
Dennis: Frank, nobody is gonna step in shit!
(Rex already in the pool full of shit)

Dennis: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your very eyes.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.

Dennis: Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. Umm��how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Charlie: Oh, milk-steak.
Dennis and Mac: (simultaneously) Hmm?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Milk-steak.
Dennis: I'm not putting milk-steak.
Mac: Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie: Don't put regular steak, put milk-steak, she'll know what it is.
Dennis: No she won't know what it is! Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright what's your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uhh��magnets.
Dennis: Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Mac: Playing with magnets?
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: I'm just gonna put snowboarding. We'll just put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don't really snowboard.
Dennis: What are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uhh��ghouls
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about?
Charlie: Just funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: W-What like in movies, or in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghoul buddies!
Mac: Don't write ghouls!
Dennis: I'm not! I'm putting travel! Jesus Christ, what are your dislikes?
Charlie: People's knees.
Dennis: Oh come on dude! Come on!
Mac: Bro, you gotta be kid-you know what we'll just make it all up.
Dennis: We'll make the whole thing up.
Mac: We'll doctor the picture.
Dennis: We aren't even going to use you for this.
Charlie: Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.

Dennis: Margaret, you like sweat, don't you. Margaret--it is Margaret, isn't it? Of course it is. You know, your eyebrow drives me crazy. It's so thick, i'ts so dark, so very...connected. You're a stone cold fox, Margaret. You're a stone cold fox, and I want you. I gotta have you--I need you. I want you inside me. But you know that, don't you, Margaret?

Dennis: Maybe we should take a page out of ol' D &B's book.

Dennis: My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. You, on the other hand, well, you're a pit of despair. Frank, you disgust me. You disgust everyone, and you will never EVER be on that billboard.

Dennis: No, no, of course we shouldn't bash these people up. Look, OK, absolutely, we could cave the husband's skull in here. Yes, we could take the wife down to the basement, have a frenzied free-for-all with her. We could tie the kids up in their little rooms upstairs, so they wouldn't hear anything.....
Mac: In that scenario you'd have to kill the kids because they would have seen our faces.
Dennis: Right; we could smear the walls with their blood, guys... There are any number of twisted scenarios that could play out here. But the easiest thing, really, is to just go get the deed.
Charlie: Right, why get weird?