Dennis: [After finding out he was hallucinating about Sinbad and Rob Thomas] Ah, I should see a doctor I'm really messed up.
Sinbad: [Hallucination form] Psst! No your not, bitch!

Dennis: [after witnessing Mac kiss his Mom at her front door] Oh my God! Ohhh...
Charlie: Yeah... that's a terrible thing... a terrible thing for you to see that.
Dennis: I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him!
Charlie: Wait wait wait! What are you gonna do? Punch him in the face? Throw him? Maybe work the body a little?
Dennis: I was gonna...
Charlie: No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.

Dennis: [at an abortion rally] I think all these chicks are gay.
Dee: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay, I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
Dennis: Pff...sucks for me.

Dennis: [to his basketball team] Now as long as you hurt the other kid as bad or worse than he hurts you, you will have done your job. And I'll be proud of you.

Dennis: All right, just sign this paper saying that we didn't kidnap you at all, and you can be on your way with all of our stuff.
[Charlie hits him over the head with a beer bottle]
Mac: DUDE! Why did you do that?
Charlie: I really don't like this guy!

Dennis: And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
(pause for 7 seconds whilst Dennis seeks comments from the gang)
Frank: That is brilliant, that is the most brilliant movie I've ever heard in my life!
Charlie: I think the audience is gonna be very uncomfortable seeing Dolph Lundgren's naked penis going in to this young girl that you're talking about.
Dennis: Yeah, just to be clear though, I don't care either way.

Dennis: As a matter of fact I'm starting to think think we need to intervene on you for your goddamn illiteracy.
Dee: Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.
Charlie: Come on, alright, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy. You know, what does that word even mean?

Dennis: By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing, I think it's brilliant. I mean I'm active, I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted. If I was holding a wine glass right now I'd be spilling wine all over the god damn place.

Dennis: Can I stop you guys for one second? What you just described, now that just sounds like we are singing about about the lifestyle of an eagle.
Charlie: Yeah.
Mac: Mm-hmm.
Dennis: Well I was under the impression we were presenting ourselves as bird-MEN which, to me, is infinitely cooler than just sort of... being a bird.

Dennis: D: Demonstrate Value
Dennis: E: Engage Physically
Dennis: N: Nurture Dependence
Dennis: N: Neglect Emotionally
Dennis: I: Inspire Hope
Dennis: S: Separate Entirely

Dennis: Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?
Sweet Dee: Same thing you're doing. I'm not letting dad give all this shit to poor people.
Dennis: Alright, hey I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and I'm taking the fish tank.
Sweet Dee: How come you get to pick and choose?
Dennis: It's not that I get to pick and choose, it's that I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. You're a woman, you're weak and... you can't.
Sweet Dee: You're a woman and you're weak.
Dennis: That doesn't make any sense.
Sweet Dee: You don't make any sense.

Dennis: Dude, do you have a boner right now?!

Dennis: Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.
Mac: (walks in from the office) Helloooo!!! What's up bitches?
Charlie: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.

Dennis: He's getting a weapon everybody. Everybody get a weapon!

Dennis: Hey yo! Hey what's..what...what are you doing there buddy?
Charlie: Argh! I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey, but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face and I think I just swallowed one.
Dennis: As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Charlie: I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.
Dennis: There is some very basic science out there supporting that.
Charlie: No, no.
Dennis: Trust me, pal. Okay, it's actually a fact. It's not even science.