Frasier quotes
105 total quotes[Frasier has declined to make a personal appearance at a hospital.]
Roz: What? You're turning down a hospital?
Frasier: Don't look at me that way.
Roz: Hey, I'm with you. I hate the way those whiny sick people are always nagging you for things. "I want a magazine!" "I want a kidney!"
Roz: What? You're turning down a hospital?
Frasier: Don't look at me that way.
Roz: Hey, I'm with you. I hate the way those whiny sick people are always nagging you for things. "I want a magazine!" "I want a kidney!"
[Frasier is angry with Lilith for interrupting his time with Madeline]
Frasier: My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart but I don't think anything could kill you!
Frasier: My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart but I don't think anything could kill you!
[Frasier is very annoyed that Roz has put Lilith's call through on his show]
Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: [smugly] It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.
Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: [smugly] It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.
[Frasier is waiting in Café Nervosa for a man who claims he can return his stolen briefcase. Niles discovers it contained his car keys]
Niles: Frasier, the person who has your car keys asked you to meet him here knowing you would bring your car?
Frasier: Now, now, before you launch into one of your paranoid riffs, my car happens to be... [turns to look through the window] MOVING DOWN THE STREET! Oh, my God! [leaps up and rushes out of the door] Stop! Stop that well-dressed man!
Niles: Frasier, the person who has your car keys asked you to meet him here knowing you would bring your car?
Frasier: Now, now, before you launch into one of your paranoid riffs, my car happens to be... [turns to look through the window] MOVING DOWN THE STREET! Oh, my God! [leaps up and rushes out of the door] Stop! Stop that well-dressed man!
[Frasier is watching a daytime soap opera with Daphne and Martin]
Frasier: Is this what you do when I'm not at home?
Daphne: Not quite. When you're not home I can bloody well hear what they're saying!
Frasier: You wouldn't want to miss a line of this dialogue: "Oh Zirconia, can't you see Stone doesn't love you, he loves Placenta!"
Daphne: I don't think someone called "Frasier" should be pointing any fingers.
Frasier: Is this what you do when I'm not at home?
Daphne: Not quite. When you're not home I can bloody well hear what they're saying!
Frasier: You wouldn't want to miss a line of this dialogue: "Oh Zirconia, can't you see Stone doesn't love you, he loves Placenta!"
Daphne: I don't think someone called "Frasier" should be pointing any fingers.
[Frasier is worried about Niles and Daphne alone in Niles' house.]
Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!
Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!
[It seems that Doctor Newman was both healthy and in good shape when he died]
Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?
Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?
Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?
Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?
[Just after they meet Sheila, Frasier reveals to Roz and Niles that he slept with her]
Roz: You slept with her?
Niles: On what desert island with no hope of rescue was this?!
Roz: You slept with her?
Niles: On what desert island with no hope of rescue was this?!
[Lilith introduces her boyfriend to Frasier]
Lilith: Brian is a seismologist at MIT.
Frasier: Oh, well, that's perfect: Brian being a seismologist, and you having so many faults.
Lilith: Brian is a seismologist at MIT.
Frasier: Oh, well, that's perfect: Brian being a seismologist, and you having so many faults.
[Lilith is criticising Frasier's advice on air]
Frasier: Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
Lilith: What do you mean by "celebrity"?
Frasier: [darkly] Oh, they know you!
Frasier: Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
Lilith: What do you mean by "celebrity"?
Frasier: [darkly] Oh, they know you!
[Martin and Daphne are singing Deck the Halls]
Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?
Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?
[Martin blows out the candles of his birthday cake at the same time the power goes out.]
Niles: Well, at least we know there's nothing wrong with Dad's lungs...
Niles: Well, at least we know there's nothing wrong with Dad's lungs...
[Martin is annoyed by Frasier's repeated instructions to take Eddie to the vet]
Martin: If anybody wants me, I'll be down at Duke's. [exits]
Niles: You ever noticed how much faster he moves when he's wrong?
Martin: If anybody wants me, I'll be down at Duke's. [exits]
Niles: You ever noticed how much faster he moves when he's wrong?
[Martin remembers how he met his wife.]
Martin: Hester was a psychiatrist, so every now and again the department would have her run up a profile on a suspect. I remember the first time I met her. It was over the chalk outline of a murder victim. She drew a little smile on the head of the outline, and I drew a pair of eyes, and before you knew it we were laughing like a couple of kids.
Frasier: Dad, you're a ghoul.
Martin: I was joking. We couldn't draw on the outline. They hadn't moved the body yet.
Martin: Hester was a psychiatrist, so every now and again the department would have her run up a profile on a suspect. I remember the first time I met her. It was over the chalk outline of a murder victim. She drew a little smile on the head of the outline, and I drew a pair of eyes, and before you knew it we were laughing like a couple of kids.
Frasier: Dad, you're a ghoul.
Martin: I was joking. We couldn't draw on the outline. They hadn't moved the body yet.
[Martin reveals the truth about MeadowWood Properties' demolition plans while proposing a toast, prompting his sons to down their boilermakers]
Martin: To Duke's!
Regulars: To Duke's!
Frasier: [to Duke] Two more!
Martin: To Duke's!
Regulars: To Duke's!
Frasier: [to Duke] Two more!