Frasier quotes
105 total quotesBulldog: Hey, T.J.! How was it, man?
T.J. Smith: It was horrible! They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy! The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye!
[Roz walks in]
Roz: Where do I pay?
Frasier: Roz!
Roz: I saw what I wanted and I went after it!
T.J. Smith: It was horrible! They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy! The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye!
[Roz walks in]
Roz: Where do I pay?
Frasier: Roz!
Roz: I saw what I wanted and I went after it!
Catherine: Your wife is really lucky.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure she'd say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure she'd say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over.
Daphne: My grandfather used to nap every afternoon. He lived to be 93.
Martin: Really?
Daphne: He'd lie there on the sofa and you couldn't wake him for the world. Grammy would say: "He might as well be a dead man." Then, of course, one day we couldn't wake him. He really was a dead man. Poor Grammy. For weeks, she kept insisting: "He's napping, he's napping."
Martin: Really?
Daphne: He'd lie there on the sofa and you couldn't wake him for the world. Grammy would say: "He might as well be a dead man." Then, of course, one day we couldn't wake him. He really was a dead man. Poor Grammy. For weeks, she kept insisting: "He's napping, he's napping."
Frasier: [showing Martin around the station] Now, don't touch that! It's a very sophisticated piece of electronic equipment!
Martin: What is it?
Frasier: I have no idea. Roz told me never to touch it!
Martin: What is it?
Frasier: I have no idea. Roz told me never to touch it!
Frasier: As some of you may know, yesterday I was mentioned in Derek Mann's "Mann About Town" column. He said, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"... "I Hate Frasier Crane." What trenchant criticism. Move aside, Voltaire. Step back in the shadows, H. L. Mencken. There's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre: "I... hate... Frasier Crane."
Frasier: By the way, where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
Niles: She's on your bed.
Frasier: My bed?
Niles: Yes, she's asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
Niles: She's on your bed.
Frasier: My bed?
Niles: Yes, she's asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
Frasier: Do you wanna bag dinner?
Lilith: There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Frasier: Come to me, my white-hot flame!
[Lilith jumps into Frasier's arms, and he carries her to the bed behind them.]
Lilith: There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Frasier: Come to me, my white-hot flame!
[Lilith jumps into Frasier's arms, and he carries her to the bed behind them.]
Frasier: God, I hate lawyers.
Niles: Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.
Niles: Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.
Frasier: How can anyone make a sound judgement about another person on the basis of one phone call?
Niles: [looks back] Remind me again what it is you do for a living.
Niles: [looks back] Remind me again what it is you do for a living.
Frasier: I asked Dad to get me a bran muffin. You know what he said to me? "What's the magic word?"
Niles: You're kidding.
Frasier: He didn't think it was very amusing when I said, "Rest home!"
Season 2
Niles: You're kidding.
Frasier: He didn't think it was very amusing when I said, "Rest home!"
Season 2
Frasier: I just don't think it's very smart to make rude gestures at other drivers.
Martin: He cut you off!
Frasier: That doesn't matter. You do not antagonise a man whose bumper sticker says: "If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!"
Martin: Big talk from a Volvo.
Martin: He cut you off!
Frasier: That doesn't matter. You do not antagonise a man whose bumper sticker says: "If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!"
Martin: Big talk from a Volvo.
Frasier: Niles, if Dad and I get into a Winnebago, only one of us will come out alive. You've got to come with us!
Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys; but this is an imposition.
Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys; but this is an imposition.
Frasier: Roz, why is it that whenever we try to have a serious discussion, we always end up talking about your sex life?
Roz: [smugly] Because I have one.
Roz: [smugly] Because I have one.
Frasier: Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.