Frasier: Thanks, Niles. You are a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother, too.

Frasier: the rest of the show was pretty good. It was a good show, wasn't it.
Roz: Here, your brother called.
Frasier: Roz in the trade we call that avoidance. Don't change the subject. Tell me what you think.
Roz: Did I ever tell you what this little button does?
Frasier: I am not a piece of Lalique. I can handle criticism. How was I today?
Roz: Let's see. You dropped two commercials, you left a total of 28 seconds of dead air, you scrambled the stations call letters, you spilt yoghurt on the control board and you kept referring to Jerry with the identity crisis, as "Jeff".
[Pause]
Frasier: You say my brother called.

Frasier: The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful, isn't it?
Daphne: What about Dr Sneezy's cold medicine?
Frasier: Dr Sneezy is a cartoon character. The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus probably should have tipped you off.

Frasier: What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.
Niles: Frasier, while you were over there, mixing metaphors like a Cuisinart, I've had a breakthrough.

Lilith: I was insane to divorce you!
Frasier: You're in my every waking thought!
Lilith: You're the only man I've ever loved!
Frasier: So are you!

Martin: I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny.
Frasier: How about Florida?
Martin: I heard that.

Niles: [about Maris] She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident.
Daphne: Oh, dear... Did a plane almost crash?
Niles: No, she was bumped from first class. She still wakes up screaming.

Niles: All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalogue and see my name under "Mental Illness."

Niles: I really must go. I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.

Niles: I really must run. I'm due at my sexual addiction group, and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.

Niles: I thought you liked my Maris!
Frasier: I do, I... I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun... except without the warmth.

Niles: I'm sorry, Frasier. I am not a Winnebago person. Whenever I see one on the highway, I look into the driver's eyes, hoping to see something that would explain why in God's name they would ever want to do something like this. All I see is a death stare under the brim of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans. This is my final word: I'm not going.
[Martin and Daphne enter.]
Martin: Great news! Daphne's coming, too.
Niles: And so am I!

Niles: My taekwondo instructor says I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.

Niles: Remember what mom always said: A handshake is as good as a hug.

Niles: So what you're saying is you want to be closer to Dad, but you don't actually want him around.