Frasier quotes
105 total quotesNiles: Sorry I'm late, Frasier. Just as we were leaving, Maris had a run-in with a rude directory assistance operator, and it shattered her calm.
Frasier: You know, Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung, that maybe she should see someone?
Niles: She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling directory assistance?
Frasier: You know, Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung, that maybe she should see someone?
Niles: She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling directory assistance?
Frasier is clearly ill, but reluctant to miss work
Frasier: Well Dad, as you've often said, "If you can walk, you can work". Took sort of an ironic twist when you got shot in the hip!
Martin: Well, at least I had a real job! Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don't show up, who's gonna notice?
Frasier: Well Dad, as you've often said, "If you can walk, you can work". Took sort of an ironic twist when you got shot in the hip!
Martin: Well, at least I had a real job! Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don't show up, who's gonna notice?
[After a drug-addled Frasier has locked himself in the studio]
Roz: Can I get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane!
Roz: Can I get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane!
[After Niles initially refused to fill in for his brother, Frasier says he does not possess the right qualities anyway]
Niles: Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you!
Frasier: Then you're not going to do my show?
Niles: No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it!
Niles: Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you!
Frasier: Then you're not going to do my show?
Niles: No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it!
[As Frasier presents the Christmas Day show, more and more depressing tales of woe are heard.]
Caller: I remember that Christmas when I ran into my mother's room, tears streaming down my face, and I said "Mummy, Mummy, the puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."
Caller: I remember that Christmas when I ran into my mother's room, tears streaming down my face, and I said "Mummy, Mummy, the puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."
[Bebe narrowly avoids making an ageist remark about Fletcher Grey when she sees Martin]
Bebe: You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you. If I were twenty years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
Martin: That's why I keep this cane.
Bebe: You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you. If I were twenty years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
Martin: That's why I keep this cane.
[Catherine is crying]
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.
[Daphne offers to cook for Niles and Maris]
Niles: Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... Did I say nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think that's implied!
Niles: Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... Did I say nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think that's implied!
[Dinner with Niles holds several surprises]
Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
Niles: I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
Frasier: [still reading the menu] Not any more; they just towed your car.
Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
Niles: I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
Frasier: [still reading the menu] Not any more; they just towed your car.
[Eddie is heard barking.]
Frasier: What's the matter with him?
Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone, too. I think he suspects foul play.
Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him!
Frasier: What's the matter with him?
Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone, too. I think he suspects foul play.
Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him!
[Frasier cannot fathom why Martin stopped speaking to Irene after one phone call]
Niles: Who knows why anybody does anything?
Frasier: [looks incredulously at him] Remind me again what you do for a living.
Niles: Who knows why anybody does anything?
Frasier: [looks incredulously at him] Remind me again what you do for a living.
[Frasier explains his quandary to Niles in Café Nervosa]
Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall.
Niles: That is alarming.
Frasier: Well, I turned her down.
Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?
Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall.
Niles: That is alarming.
Frasier: Well, I turned her down.
Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?
[Frasier is very annoyed that Roz has put Lilith's call through on his show]
Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: [smugly] It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.
Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: [smugly] It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.
[Frasier is worried about Niles and Daphne alone in Niles' house.]
Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!
Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting "Heathcliff!" across the moors!
[It seems that Doctor Newman was both healthy and in good shape when he died]
Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?
Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?
Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?
Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?