Frasier quotes
105 total quotes[Niles accuses Gunnar in English, which Frasier translates into Spanish for Marta, so she can tell Gunnar in German]
Gunnar: Schweinhund! [draws his sword]
Niles: Alright, fine! You want to challenge me? En garde!
Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles! That's just what we need: a fourth language.
Gunnar: Schweinhund! [draws his sword]
Niles: Alright, fine! You want to challenge me? En garde!
Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles! That's just what we need: a fourth language.
[Niles has advised Daphne to reinvest her money from the sale of her shares. Frasier walks in and wonders why she looks so excited]
Daphne: Well, your brother just gave me $200, and now he's going to roll me over.
Daphne: Well, your brother just gave me $200, and now he's going to roll me over.
[Niles has discovered a new party game, in which contestants select a meal, aria and wine to take to a desert island. He gives his choices]
Niles: The coulibiac of salmon at Guy Savoy, "Vissi d'arte" from Tosca, and the Côtes du Rhône Châteauneuf-du-Pape '47.
Frasier: You are so predictable!
Niles: The coulibiac of salmon at Guy Savoy, "Vissi d'arte" from Tosca, and the Côtes du Rhône Châteauneuf-du-Pape '47.
Frasier: You are so predictable!
[Niles is bemused by the smell of Martin's tackle box covered by Daphne's air freshener]
Niles: It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.
Niles: It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.
[Niles is laughing while perusing Dr. Snow's manuscript]
Frasier: Niles, will you please stop giggling? It's very distracting.
Niles: I can't help it. Have you read this?
Frasier: I'm trying to recommend a book. Reading it doesn't help.
Frasier: Niles, will you please stop giggling? It's very distracting.
Niles: I can't help it. Have you read this?
Frasier: I'm trying to recommend a book. Reading it doesn't help.
[Niles is substituting for Frasier on his radio show.]
Niles: Although I feel perfectly qualified to fill Frasier's radio shoes, I should warn you that while Frasier is a Freudian, I am a Jungian. So there'll be no blaming mother today!
Niles: Although I feel perfectly qualified to fill Frasier's radio shoes, I should warn you that while Frasier is a Freudian, I am a Jungian. So there'll be no blaming mother today!
[Niles leaves Frasier's apartment during a power outage. He returns a few minutes later, gasping for breath]
Niles: Nineteen floors down to my car! Garage door's electric! Can't open! Twenty floors back up! Lost count! Bad lady upstairs! Big dog! Need place to die!
Season 3
Niles: Nineteen floors down to my car! Garage door's electric! Can't open! Twenty floors back up! Lost count! Bad lady upstairs! Big dog! Need place to die!
Season 3
[Niles wonders how to reconcile with Maris]
Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman.
Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig.
Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman.
Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig.
[Niles' bag of flour is showing signs of fire damage after being dried beside the hearth]
Frasier: He caught on fire?
Niles: It was not as careless as you make it seem. After all, a real child would have cried before it burst into flames.
Frasier: He caught on fire?
Niles: It was not as careless as you make it seem. After all, a real child would have cried before it burst into flames.
[Niles' Freudian slip]
Niles: If you ask me, Frasier, your trepidation is well-founded. It is possible to move a relationship along too fast, and ultimately marry too hastily. You could find, a few years down the line, that the person isn't really right for you, and then what happens if you meet the right person? Someone who really excites you and makes you feel alive, but you can't act upon it because you're trapped in a stale, albeit comfortable Maris!...Marriage...I have to go now.
Niles: If you ask me, Frasier, your trepidation is well-founded. It is possible to move a relationship along too fast, and ultimately marry too hastily. You could find, a few years down the line, that the person isn't really right for you, and then what happens if you meet the right person? Someone who really excites you and makes you feel alive, but you can't act upon it because you're trapped in a stale, albeit comfortable Maris!...Marriage...I have to go now.
[On the subject of a film (likely to have been Basic Instinct)]
Niles: Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video. I don't mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat; her room, as you know, is across the hall!
Niles: Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video. I don't mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat; her room, as you know, is across the hall!
[Roz intervenes on Frasier's show with some advice of her own]
Frasier: Who's next, Roz?
Roz: If you ask me, it's divorced people you want to watch out for. If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper, whereas your divorcé will buy any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.
Frasier: The preceding was an unbiased opinion from my never-been-married producer, Roz, who, incidentally, has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana!
Frasier: Who's next, Roz?
Roz: If you ask me, it's divorced people you want to watch out for. If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper, whereas your divorcé will buy any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.
Frasier: The preceding was an unbiased opinion from my never-been-married producer, Roz, who, incidentally, has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana!
[Sam is telling Frasier about his fiancée]
Sam: She's a terrific person. She's smart, she's funny, she's horny. I mean, she's just the kinda chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.
Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.
Sam: She's a terrific person. She's smart, she's funny, she's horny. I mean, she's just the kinda chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.
Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.
[The Crane's are complaining about their Aunt Louise, who never liked anything, specially travelling]
Martin: She just sat around whining all the time about how she'd like to be in a warmer climate.
Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!
Martin: She just sat around whining all the time about how she'd like to be in a warmer climate.
Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!
[While brawling over thier inability to write a book, due to their sibling rivalry]
Niles: My God, My God! I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!
Frasier: You stole my mommy!
Niles: My God, My God! I'm having a flashback! You're climbing in my crib and jumping on me!
Frasier: You stole my mommy!