Frasier quotes
105 total quotes[Confronted with Danny again, Niles is having trouble controlling his anger. Frasier takes him in hand]
Niles: I can't go in there and talk to him. If the coward turns his back on me, I'll attack him again!
Frasier: No you won't. You're not a child any more. Now come with me: I'm taking you to the bathroom!
Niles: I can't go in there and talk to him. If the coward turns his back on me, I'll attack him again!
Frasier: No you won't. You're not a child any more. Now come with me: I'm taking you to the bathroom!
[Daphne encourages Frasier to go ice fishing with Martin]
Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words "I love you"?
Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.
Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words "I love you"?
Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.
[Daphne explains that the smoke alarm over her bed went off]
Daphne: God, the noise the bloody thing makes! It would be less upsetting just to wake up on fire!
Daphne: God, the noise the bloody thing makes! It would be less upsetting just to wake up on fire!
[Daphne is dressed up for a date, and is testing her perfume when Niles arrives]
Niles: [sniffs around Daphne] Is that "Forbidden"?
Frasier: In every sense of the word!
Niles: [sniffs around Daphne] Is that "Forbidden"?
Frasier: In every sense of the word!
[Daphne is giving Roz's ankle a much-appreciated massage]
Roz: Whatever Frasier's paying you, it's not enough.
Daphne: Actually, I'd need a raise to get me to "not enough".
Roz: Whatever Frasier's paying you, it's not enough.
Daphne: Actually, I'd need a raise to get me to "not enough".
[Daphne offers to cook for Niles and Maris]
Niles: Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... Did I say nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think that's implied!
Niles: Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... Did I say nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think that's implied!
[Despite a shocking revelation about Patterson, Niles is still keen for him to defeat Thorpe]
Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets?
Frasier: At the moment, I'm not sure there's intelligent life in this kitchen.
Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets?
Frasier: At the moment, I'm not sure there's intelligent life in this kitchen.
[Dinner with Niles holds several surprises]
Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
Niles: I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
Frasier: [still reading the menu] Not any more; they just towed your car.
Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
Niles: I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
Frasier: [still reading the menu] Not any more; they just towed your car.
[During an interview for KACL, the author is asked about the inspiration for his book. Frasier is listening outside]
Fallow: Well, it was actually given to me...by God.
Frasier: By GOD? Do you believe this guy's grandiosity? I'm God, and he knows it!
Fallow: Well, it was actually given to me...by God.
Frasier: By GOD? Do you believe this guy's grandiosity? I'm God, and he knows it!
[Eddie is heard barking.]
Frasier: What's the matter with him?
Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone, too. I think he suspects foul play.
Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him!
Frasier: What's the matter with him?
Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone, too. I think he suspects foul play.
Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him!
[Frasier cannot fathom why Martin stopped speaking to Irene after one phone call]
Niles: Who knows why anybody does anything?
Frasier: [looks incredulously at him] Remind me again what you do for a living.
Niles: Who knows why anybody does anything?
Frasier: [looks incredulously at him] Remind me again what you do for a living.
[Frasier does not approve of Niles buying Maris a car]
Frasier: I happen to think that bribery is the wrong way for couples to resolve their conflicts.
Niles: And during which of your failed marriages did you hone that theory?
Frasier: I happen to think that bribery is the wrong way for couples to resolve their conflicts.
Niles: And during which of your failed marriages did you hone that theory?
[Frasier explains his quandary to Niles in Café Nervosa]
Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall.
Niles: That is alarming.
Frasier: Well, I turned her down.
Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?
Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall.
Niles: That is alarming.
Frasier: Well, I turned her down.
Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?
[Frasier has an idea for how to take Martin's mind away from the murder case: the basketball game]
Frasier: It's the archetypal male bonding ritual.
Niles: Couldn't we just go to the woods, kill something and have done with it?
Frasier: It's the archetypal male bonding ritual.
Niles: Couldn't we just go to the woods, kill something and have done with it?
[Frasier has arrived home to find Eddie lying on the sofa.]
Frasier: Dad? I thought we had an agreement. Eddie doesn't roll around on my sofa and I don't throw him in front of a bus.
Frasier: Dad? I thought we had an agreement. Eddie doesn't roll around on my sofa and I don't throw him in front of a bus.