Community quotes

200 total quotes



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Annie: And, I hate you. And, I want to have your children.
Shirley: Damn, I picked the wrong couple to follow out of class this morning.

Annie: Before we start, I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimi-wow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conundrum.
Abed: That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.

Annie: Dia de los muertos, or 'Day of the Dead', is sometiems referred to as Mexican Halloween.
Chang: Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.

Annie: How much effort do I rate?
Jeff: For you, I'd break a light sweat.
Annie: Good. I need a favor. Help Pierce with his step daughter?
Jeff: You're becoming dangerous Annie, it's those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain

Annie: I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident.
Abed: Oh, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now.
Pierce: There's breakfast?

Annie: Maybe Simmons was right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn't beat him if you tried.
Jeff: What do you mean I can't beat him? You and I are going to study harder than we've ever studied before and beat City College tomorrow!
Annie: [excited] Really?
Jeff: No! Who am I, iCarly?
[Shirley slaps away the paper that Abed is reading]

Annie: This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend? My really good friend?
Abed: Well, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe; they never really had stories together. ...Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.

Annie: Troy isn't interested in football anymore. Getting injured in that keg stand was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Dean Pelton: Whoa! Yoko Ono much? Bro's before ho's, Troy.

Annie: You're welcome!
[She lowers her voice as Jeff and Britta walk by, followed by Shirley]

Britta: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Cancer!" "Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!"

Britta: Guys, are we really going to let religion divide us? I think there's one thing we can all agree on.
Abed: I get 72 virgins in heaven.
Britta: ...No.

Britta: I'm really sorry about how things ended.
Vaughn: Yeah, well I'm really sorry I can't accept your apology 'cause you're toxic, Britta. You know what, you're like the exact opposite of an anti-oxidant. Yeah, psh, I got band practice. Lates.
Britta: Can't we still be friends? And isn't the word "later" already short enough?

Britta: Oh my God, you've been hit.
Jeff: What? Oh no! [rubs shirt] Wait, wait. It's blood. [laughs] I thought it was paint, but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!

Britta: Wait, so... so, this is a game to you? You put human beings into a state of emotional shambles for a shot at getting in my pants?
Jeff: Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is?

Britta: What, she's offended?
Jeff: Girls go in groups. Did you learn nothing from stand up comedy in the nineties?