Cory: I told you this was a great idea
Shawn: It's an episode of Cops waiting to happen.

Cory: Shawn, I refuse to believe anything from those stupid tabloids.
Shawn: It's the New York Times, baby.
Cory: This is New York Times Trailer Park edition!
Shawn: It's exactly the same, except you can eat it!

Cory: So I would be correct in assuming that this wonderful meal is one of those, um, condemned-man, death-row, last-meal kinda things. But that can't be, because there's no cake. [Eric lifts the top of a platter to reveal an ornately decorated chocolate cake]... Dead man walkin.'

Cory: So, the Hunters' trailer is right over there.
Eric: The one that looks like all the other ones?
Cory: Yeah, that's it.

Cory: So, you mean that Topanga can't move!
Shawn: Not if TV is the true mirror of our lives.

Cory: We haven't been together for 22 years, but we have been together for 16. Okay, that's a lot longer than most couples. When we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together. When we were 2, we were best friends. I mean, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, I knew her favorite food. Then, you know, we got to be 6 and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend who's a girl, or even to know a girl. ...So for the next seven years, I threw dirt at her. I like to call those "the lost years"...then when I was 13, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She always was talking about these crazy things, and I never understood a word she said. All I knew was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about. And when I'm with her, I feel happy to be alive, like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's what I think is love, Mom. When I'm better because she's here. And now she won't be. So I'm finished.

Cory: You know we've lived in the same room for 15 years and you never even told me about your first time.
Eric: Remember Mitchell Davis?
Cory: That's an unexpected surprise- how 'bout your second time?
Eric: Bear with me. Now, you know that Mitch and I were always competing: Who could- who could run the fastest, who could shoot the most baskets, who could catch the most flies...
Cory: Oh, please, get to it.
Eric: Well, one day Mitch shows up here with a brand new bike; three-speed, emerald green, speedometer on the handle.
Cory: Wait, that's the same one you had.
Eric: Right that's why Mitch got his but you see, to show me up, Mitch's didn't have any training wheels on it. So I beg Dad, "Dad you gotta take these training wheels off". Dad said I wasn't ready. Well apparently Mitch wasn't either because one day we're riding down Oakhurst Drive...
Cory: Ah, Dead Man's Hill.
Eric: Right. Mitch falls off his bike, slams his head into a couple of trash cans, and that my friend is why Mitchell Davis repeated the sixth grade eleven times.
Cory: Eric what could this possibly have to do with me and Topanga and moving past kissing?
Eric: Cory, sex is like a bike without training wheels. Try it before you're ready, you're gonna fall off and break your head.

Cory: You're my girlfriend and I love you and... and... God we should be at, like, ninth base by now.

Eric: [eating pie] Oh, oh, that is delicious! What kind is this?
Guy: Pie.

Eric: Check it out, I already made up a theme song. [singing]
When a crime breaks out,
All the cute girls shout
"Get the good-looking guy"!
When there's a crime out there,
He's gonna comb his hair,
'Cuz he's the good-looking guy!
[stops singing and winks]
Book 'em, good-looking!

Eric: Dad? You can't quit! I can't support this family! I am not a monkey!

Eric: I am five again, and I don't know which cubby is mine! Crossroads...nap time.

Eric: June 24, 1978: I... am... BORN! Sadat and Begin win the Nobel Peace Prize. John Paul II (eye-eye) is elected the new Pope. And a new dance craze sweeps the nation. [strikes a disco pose] Remember? Remember? 1984: I poo-poo on a bus. Nobody likes me.

Eric: Mr. Feeny.
Feeny: What?
Eric: I heard you telling my parents you thought I was smart. Just hearing you say that is worth 1000 SAT points.

Eric: Y'know something, Cor? He's absolutely right. I mean, I had this same problem when I broke up with Francesca. There's a lot of pain, there's a lot of heartache. But eventually time stepped in. And I got over my devastating loss.
Alan: Who's Francesca?
Eric: [whispering loudly] There is no Francesca, I'm just trying to help.
Alan: [whispering loudly] Nobody wants that.