Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



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Sam Sawtell: We don't do hexes! [punches Bob Matthias in the mouth] We do throw punches, occasionally.

Shirley: [looking around the courtroom] The District Attorney's here.
Alan: Scott Bodner. Politicians are drawn to cameras like flies are drawn to...
Shirley: Politicians.

Shirley: [to Denise and Brad] We are lawyers. We sue people. We do not abduct.

Shirley: [to Denny] Did you tell Lori you liked chubby sex?
Denny: I meant it as a compliment!

Shirley: [to Father Ryan] Do I dare ask where those three fingers have been prior to my client chopping them off?

Shirley: But understand that everyone at this firm is considered a witness. Don't expect anyone at this firm to help you -- OR speak to you.
Alan: And won't that make for a refreshing change.

Shirley: Denise, I understand you're going through some difficulties in your personal life.
Denise: It's hard, but I'll get through it.
Shirley: From what I know about you, when things get tough you prefer to bury yourself in your work. Allow me to provide you with a shovel.

Shirley: Denny. You cheated on your wife at your own wedding reception in what has become some sort of cloakroom fetish-that is a new low, even for you.
Denny Crane: Yeah. It is, isn't it?

Shirley: I always say two things. One is, everything you do reflects of Crane, Poole, and Schmidt. What is the other?
Denise Bauer: You're Schmidt.

Shirley: I make over a million dollars a year, and I'm in a basement looking for a dead midget.

Shirley: If I agree to help you, one condition. I assume during the course of this case 'breasts' will be referred to in many colorful ways.
Alan: One would hope.
Shirley: Personally, however, I don't ever want to hear them referred to as 'hooters'. I hate that word. Oh, and this is a little off-topic, but I hate the word 'underpants', too.
Alan: If I can have your breasts, I promise not to say 'hooters'.
Shirley: Thank you, Alan.
Alan: Now, as for underpants, if you promise not to wear an...
Shirley: [interrupting] Goodbye, Alan.

Shirley: White roses, gold leaf cake, Bev's boobs swimming out of her wedding dress.
Brad: Who said money can't buy tastelessness?
Alan: I think Bev and Denny did a lovely job.
Paul: 11 marriages between the two of them. They've had plenty of practice.

Shirley: Who decides when it's OK to make fun of a religion?

Shirley: You know, I hate to break up the tea party but...
Malcolm: Careful, we're still a bit thin-skinned on that one. Such a waste of proper tea.

Shirley: You slept with him!
Denise: Did not!
Shirley: You slept with him!
Denise: Did not!
Shirley: You slept with him!
Denise: Well, maybe a little bit.