Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



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Store Owner: Do you know how many times I have been held up this year?
Alan: Far too many to appreciate her little prank, I'm sure... May I ask if that's your car out front, the Datsun with the dents in the side?
Store Owner: Yeah...
Alan: I have a friend who... has a friend, he's a magician with body work. He'll make those dents disappear, change the color, he'll make that Datsun look exactly like a late model BMW.
Store Owner: Can he...make the seats look like...leather?
Alan: The man's a miracle worker!

Vivian: Did you see the calorie count? Were you able to perform basic math?
Phil: I was addicted, Thin Mint!
Shirley: All right...
Vivian: Let the record reflect that he called me FOOD - a cookie, no less.

[After Denny has sex on the desk in his office without dropping all the blinds on the storefront windows]
Shirley: This is unprofessional, Denny. You are setting a very bad example for the rest of the firm.
Denny: Understood. And, from now on, in this office, those blinds go down before anybody else does.

[at a public bare-breasted protest]
Alan: Oddly, this was one of my fantasies... And the chilly weather is certainly an added bonus.

[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony at the end of the episode looking at a photograph}
Denny: I shot my first steelhead!

[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony mid episode]
Denny: Is the show over already? You look beaten.
Alan: I just caught Tara laughing with another man.
Denny: Are you sure they weren't just...kissing or something?

[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony mid episode]
Denny: Is the show over already?

[Denny wakes up to find Alan in his bed.]
Denny: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!
Alan: I don't know!
Denny: What do you mean you don't know?!
Alan: I...got scared! I thought I heard a bear outside!

[Talking about Alan at the hearing]
Denny: Yes your honor, he gets me off, I get him off.
Alan: We're flamingos.
Denny: Don't ask, don't tell.