Alan: the though of giving representation to that thug...
Denny: come on, we hate all our clients. It's good to hate - it allows us to overcharge and still sleep at night.

Alan: There used to be a day when the pandering in our society was reserved for��
Denny: Politicians?
Alan: [laughs] Maybe that's what bothers me. Hollywood has sunk to the level of Congress.

Alan: There's a reason Shakespeare and many after him said 'First kill all the lawyers.' They're talking about people like me, Jerry, not you.

Alan: There's no doubt in my mind that you could develop into a first rate criminal defender, Jerry. But my hope is that you don't. Even at your relatively mature age you're still innocent.
Jerry: Except when I held a knife to Shirley's throat.

Alan: They call them cling-ons.
Denny: Did you says Klingons?

Alan: Those three little words again...

Alan: To more travels, Denny.
Denny: To the mountains��
Alan: Prairies��
Denny: Whores��
Alan: America the beautiful.

Alan: To next season, my friend.
Denny: Same night?
Alan: God, I hope.

Alan: We have geniuses in this country. True pioneers of innovation. Steve Jobs, Steven Wozniak, Steve Ballmer...if we could just round up some of our best Steves!

Alan: We have no strategy for getting out. We, as a nation, are in denial. [Cassie] is in this courtroom, honoring one dead soldier. That's a start.

Alan: What are you doing?
Denny: The Secret.
Alan: Certainly you can tell me; I'm your flamingo.
Denny: No, no, no. The Secret. Haven't you heard? The law of attraction. Get with the program, man.
Alan: What are you talking about?
Denny: If you think positively, you become a magnet and pull in everything you want towards you.
Alan: Really?
Denny: I figure if I concentrate on world peace, maybe I can actually make it happen.
Alan: You're sitting here concentrating on world peace?
Denny: Oh, God, no. Gotta start smaller. I'm thinking Raquel Welch. Get her first, then go for peace.

Alan: What are you thinking about? It's not a trick question.
Denny: Can't I have a solitary, pensive moment? Keep a thought to myself?
Alan: Ha, ha... You forgot what you were thinking.

Alan: What would you do as mayor of Boston?
Denny: Oh, I don't know, attack Rhode Island. Small.

Alan: What's my motivation?
Shirley: Excuse me?
Alan: My character's motivation. Surely you can't expect me to simply jump in and take this case!

Alan: What's your specialty?
Dr. Konigsberg: Couples' counseling. I first saw the client and his wife together. Since the divorce, I've been working with him alone.
Alan: So they came to you to improve their relationship, and now one wants to kill the other. Not your best work, was it, doctor?