Denny: So whose ass did you have kicked?
Alan: Someone whose ass thoroughly deserved it.
Denny: Good! I can never understand why people don't use violence more often to solve their problems. Works every time.

Denny: So, do you like her yet? You promised.
Alan: I did. And I do.
Denny: I thought you would. She has many fine qualities.
Alan: She makes my friend smile. That's the only quality that matters.

Denny: Thank you, Alan, for coming with me.
Alan: I think friends should always encourage friends to get their heads examined.

Denny: The dwarf fainted.

Denny: The midget I'm dating could be my daughter.

Denny: There are many ways that men go dead as they age. One way ... they start incorporating all the learned politically-correct behavior and thoughts into who they are, in the process deny what they are.
Alan: What are we?
Denny: Animals.
Denny: Today's evolved men talk to each other about politics, kids and education. They talk about anything and everything, yet they are profoundly lonely. Why? Because they are ashamed to share their most base instinct.
Denny: You and I aren't like that. When we're 90, we'll be sitting on a park bench, pretty girl go by, and we'll say "look at the rack on that one". You and I will never be lonely.

Denny: They're singling me out because I'm Denny Crane. Big name, big splash. Know where I can get a good lawyer? [grins] It's never dull, Alan. Admit it.

Denny: Think we'll ever see the day when the defense lawyer will be legally permitted to shoot the defendant?
Alan: We seem to be making progress.
Denny: Denny Crane. I'll be your attorney.[imitating to shoot somebody]

Denny: This country works Alan. You Democrats don't want to admit it. Oh, I'm not saying there aren't kinks! Foam chips off the occasional space craft, we start the odd war on false pretenses, but by and large...America works! That's why I'm completely nuts about it.

Denny: This isn't meaningful; practicing law and drinking scotch at 9 o'clock in the morning. Well, ok, maybe the scotch is meaningful.

Denny: Tom Delay is a friend of mine. He advised me to keep a rifle in the office
Detective: My question is: Did it appear that the suspect was about to shoot Mr. Shore before you decided to take him out?
Denny: No, why the hell would I wait for that?

Denny: Welcome, to Boston Legal.
Claire: Jeffrey, the gross man is fondling me.
Denny: It's the official firm greeting.
[squeezes Claire's butt]
Denny: Cue the music.

Denny: Well. Shall we pick up where we left off, my little friend?
Bethany: Forget it.
Denny: Why?
Bethany: Because one of the rules I try to follow in my social life is, 'don't date guys who slept with my mother.'

Denny: What are you doing in my office?
Paul: This is my office, Denny.
Denny: Oh, that must mean I've come to see you...why?

Denny: What are you looking for? Serious relationship?
Alan: Don't be silly... I'm already involved with you.
Denny: You're damn right!