Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



All Seasons
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Denny: Holy crap, I shot the rabbi.

Denny: Hope you die. Denny Crane.

Denny: How can you ban red meat?
Dominick Ryan: Well, they've got a whole campaign, they're going to go with it. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.
Dominick: Is there anything we can do?
Shirley: We'll get an immediate TRO.
Denny: I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley: The word is "muster", Denny, but you're right - the law lacks condiments.

Denny: How come the other side always has short closings?

Denny: I actually begin my dates by putting cash right on the table.
Alan: And that works?
Denny: With the hookers.

Denny: I can't be sure, but in the middle I think I actually felt smoke coming out my ass.

Denny: I have an erection... Let the trial begin. I'm ready.

Denny: I have nothing against marriage. I've done it five times.

Denny: I hear you misplaced a client.
Alan: Not really. Like car keys and sunglasses, he'll show up somewhere.

Denny: I heard about Tara. I feel you're hurt.
Alan: What's most upsetting, Denny, is I don't hurt.
Denny: So I don't have to hug ya and tell ya I'm there for ya and all that crap.
Alan: We can skip it.

Denny: I heard there were two hundred women, that's four hundred breasts, and you kept them all to yourself!

Denny: I love dwarves! I was actually hoping you'd be one.

Denny: I might vote for him, you know.
Alan: (surprised) Obama?
Denny: Anybody in America can grow up to be President, that's what I say. Except for Hillary! She wins, I puke.
Alan: Barack Obama.
Denny: Handsome, great photo op. I don't know what he stands for... He'd be a perfect president! Speaks perfect ��white' as well as ��black.' Never heard me say that.
Alan: What about McCain.
Denny: He speaks ��Bush' now. Can't win.
Alan: Obama's against the war now, you know.
Denny: So'm I. (Alan looks questioningly) Don't worry. I'm ready for a new war. Time to blow up Iran. And we gotta get Amina.... douche-bag. And that nut job in North Korea. They both gotta go. And not because they're not white!
Denny: Of course it does, Alan... you can't please every body. Better to just...
Alan: Blow them up.
Denny: Exactly. And not because they're not white.
Alan: No.

Denny: I misplaced a client once.
Alan: Did they ever find him?
Denny: No, I made sure to ship him off to some country with no extradition. Practically a deserted island off the coast of South America. He sends me Feliz Cumpleanos cards every year.
Alan: That's thoughtful. Sounds like paradise actually. Living on an island. A much simpler life.
Denny: Especially if it's an island where the natives run around the beach with their boobies hanging out.

Denny: I must admit that the idea of a mother-daughter ménage à twaddle.
Alan: I think you mean trois.