Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



All Seasons
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Denny: Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.
Kelly Nolan: I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
Denny: I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.

Denny: Daniel!
Daniel: Denny!
Denny: Lookin' good.
Daniel: Thank you. You wanna come to my funeral?
Denny: Oh, funerals are sad.
Daniel: Well, this one'll be fun.
Denny: Count me in!
Daniel: Tomorrow night.
Denny: No can do, busy... Rain check?
Daniel: [pauses] ...Absolutely.
Denny: [nods to Denise] He's a keeper! [walks off]
Daniel: Denny's great.
Denise: Yep.
Daniel: He doesn't hear a thing anyone says, does he?
Denise: Nope.

Denny: Denny Crane never goes down. Except as a lover; I'm giving in bed. [to Alan] Is that relevant?

Denny: Denny Crane. My poop doesn't smell. Comes out in pretty colors, pastels. Denny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.
Shirley: That is not a legal defense.

Denny: Did my client tell you that this drug is unapproved by the FDA?
Mark Harrison: Yes.
Denny: Did he tell you that, ah, there could be side effects?
Mark Harrison: Yes.
Denny: You were fully informed.
Mark Harrison: I was.
Denny: You consented.
Mark Harrison: I did.
Denny: Take it again?
Mark Harrison: Absolutely.
Denny: Like the doctor?
Mark Harrison: Love him.
Denny: How's your memory?
Mark Harrison: My memory's fine.
Denny: What's my name?
Mark Harrison: Denny Crane.
Denny: Like you mean it!
Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!
Denny: What's my name?!
Mark Harrison: [shouts] Denny Crane!
Denny: No further questions.

Denny: Does that mean you're back on the market?
Shirley: Denny, as far you're concerned I'm always on the market.

Denny: We know we don't deserve Shirley Schmidt. Just the possibility is enough to sustain us.
Shirley: You are a dear, sweet man. And I have something else that might sustain you. [whispers into his ear] Denny Crane.

Denny: Don't talk about the environment. It's too political and half the people are against you.
Alan: Half the people are against the environment?

Denny: Drop the case, do it now... I'm directing you. Drop it.
Alan: No.

Denny: First of all, I haven't had sex with a camel since I was in the Army. And the camel never complained.

Denny: Gotta remember: Before I open my mouth, always look both ways for midgets.
Alan: [chuckles] That's a good policy.

Denny: Hell, if I had a nickel for every woman I'd promise to marry in exchange for sex...actually, I do.

Denny: Here's a little secret. I know things. Don't tell.
Alan: That secret seems unbelievably safe.

Denny: Here's what you need to know about the practice of law. It all comes down to money.

Denny: Hey kid, front and center. I bet you'd lick my shoes for a murder case, wouldn't you?
Garrett: Oh, I would, sir.
Denny: Because I like you, you don't have to lick them. Just dust them with your sleeve.