Bob: (reading the Scrabble box) "Special Edition: Can be enjoyed by the blind and sighted alike." Okay. Bob stands corrected. Let's play, Jake.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So, a blind man playing Scrabble is wrong, but you beating a blind man at Scrabble, you have no problem with.
Bob: Exactly.
Jake Malinak: It's okay, Reg. Let the little weasel put his money where his mouth is.
Bob: Oh, yeah? Fifty bucks!
Jake Malinak: I'm in!

Bob: Giving a blind man a Scrabble set it cruel. It would be like buying you a fish tank. It's a total waste.
Jake Malinak: I have a fish tank and I'll tell you why: I find the sounds of the bubbles to be very relaxing.
Bob: Look, Jake--
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Bob.
Bob: No, I'm telling him: You do NOT have a fish tank. What you have is a toilet that needs to be jiggled!
Jake Malinak: Reggie?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Once you started naming the fish, we just didn't have the heart to tell you.

Bob: (about Linda's clothes) Wow, is that a handkerchief? Because Bob feels a sneeze coming on.

Bob: [walking in] Jake.
Jake Malinak: [walking out] Jerk!

Bob: Becker having sex? Nah, I don't see it [slyly] but if I get that new drill, I will!

Bob: Becker, I just had a great idea!
Dr. John Becker: The first one's always exciting, isn't it?

Bob: Bob knows what you're trying to do; you're trying to make him look bad in front of Reggie. Well, it won't work; she aches for me!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [coldly] Bob, you turn my stomach!
Bob: [undeterred] That's an ache.

Bob: Hey, Doc!
Dr. John Becker: Hey, dork!

Bob: I was doing some research on the internet...
Dr. John Becker: Must have come as a surprise that it's not all porn, huh?
Bob: One shock at a time.

Bob: She has the high fashion, uptown look Bob finds very hot.
Becker: She'd crush you like a bug!
Bob: You don't know Bob; he's one tough little insect!

Bob: She's on her way to the bottom. And Bob is the Mayor of the bottom!

Chris Connor: Just to set the record straight, I don't love you!
Dr John Becker: Well I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you: you're so cute and sweet and nice and perky!
Chris Connor: Well it's better than being a cranky old fart!
Dr John Becker: I'm not cranky! There are just certain things that irritate me!
Chris Connor: Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!
Dr John Becker: Oh why don't you bite me in the ass!?
Chris Connor: Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass!? Your head's right there, anyway!
Dr John Becker: '[outraged] Just go away, would you!?
Chris Connor: Ah, I'm going! Goodnight!
Dr John Becker: Good night!
Chris Connor: [stutters angrily] GOOD NIGHT!
Dr John Becker: YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME SOMETIME!?
Chris Connor: I'D LOVE TO!

Chris Connor: You told Tony I was gay so he wouldn't be interested in me. Then you told me Tony was gay so I wouldn't be interested in him.
Dr. John Becker: Do you think I would be capable of that?
Chris Connor: You made up a sister named Pepper Becker!

Chris Connor: [to Dr. John Becker] There's not a day that goes by that doesn't prove you are emotionally retarded!

Dana: What do you have against the New York City Marathon?
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.