Alexei: Reggie is very much hot broad.

Annette Johnson: You just may go to Heaven whether you like it or not.
Dr. John Becker: Thanks. It's the first time someone suggested I go in that direction.

Becker: [honking at the car in front] Come on, come on! If you're gonna drive that slow, you shouldn't be on the road!
Margaret: John, it's a hearse.
Becker: Just because it's too late for him doesn't mean he has to ruin it for the rest of us.

Becker: [on religion] Religion is supposed to be about people being nice to each other, but frankly, I don't see a lot of that. You know, what I do see is people using the Good Book to say that they're morally superior. I see people building TV stations to bilk Grandma out of her pension cheques, all in the name of God, you know. And how about all those God-fearing people who are killing other God-fearing people because they don't fear God in the same way!?

Becker: Ah hell, there's that damn meter maid! HEY GRANDMA, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CAR! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT STEALING KETCHUP PACKETS LIKE NORMAL OLD WOMEN!?

Becker: Have you ever been robbed?
Margaret: Oh please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on Prom Night...by my date!

Becker: I watched the moon land on that TV, the 1969 Mets winning the World Series, Nixon's resignation...lots of good times.

Becker: I'd love to set you straight, but I gotta go heal the sick!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Do you really heal the sick or do you just harangue the disease out of the person like an exorcism?

Becker: Look partner, she's gonna be fine! Why don't you just call your office? Maybe there's someone who missed getting screwed today!
Lawyer: I really resent that!
Becker: Well then my work is done!
Sandra: And you said I wasn't fair to you.
Becker: Oh come on, that don't count, he's a lawyer. I actually look forward to the day we can hunt them!

Becker: The only person who ever celebrated this day right was Al Capone.

Becker: Valentine's Day: the shallowest, greediest exploitation of emotion since my second marriage!

Becker: What's the matter with you people? I didn't kill that guy.
Bob: [coming out of phone booth] Hey, Becker, you know that guy you killed? I just got his job.
Becker: I didn't kill anybody, Bob! What'd you just say?
Bob: I'm your new super.
Becker: But Alexei just died this morning. How could you even know about the job?
Bob: I owe it all to Linda.
Becker: Linda helped you? My Linda?
Bob: If, by "help", you mean left your office as soon as she heard the old super croaked, ran to your building, gave them my resume--which, by the way, she wrote--acted as a reference, and wouldn't leave until they agreed to hire me, then, yeah, she helped!
Becker: But you don't know anything about being a super!
Bob: What's to know? Jake can do it, for crying out loud!
Jake: Hey!
Bob: Not to mention it's the deal of a lifetime--good salary, free apartment, and I get to sit on my ass all day and pretend I don't speak English. It's what I was born to do!
Becker: This can't be happening.
Bob: Don't worry. Whatever you need, day or night, my door is always open, and thanks to my new passkey, so is yours.
Reggie: Jake, do you realize what this means?
Jake: Yeah, Bob has someplace else to go.

Becker: Why is it the good patients always die and the pain-in-the-asses go on and on?
Margaret: Yeah, why is that?

Becker: You gotta accept it, Jake; as soon as you get involved with a woman, it's only a matter of time before you're the next contestant on "Guess Why I'm Mad".
Jake: Yeah, that's on right before "All I Do For You And This Is The Thanks I Get".
Season 2

Becker: You know how it is when you're married; you have those cute little nicknames for each other.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So what's your name for her?
Becker: "Castrating bitch from Hell"!