Becker quotes

235 total quotes


(talking to a patient who wasn't following the diet he put him on)
Dr. John Becker: Kind'a thought what? That I'll give a pat on that continent you call a butt, tell you everything is gonna be fine and send you home?
Mr. Capelli: Wow wow, aren't doctors supposed to be nice?
Dr. John Becker: Check out the Hippocratic Oath, it doesn't mention nice.

(to Linda as he's leaving Dr. Becker's office)
Mr. Schmalen: Honey, a little tip, next time I come in, it wouldn't kill you to offer me a little coffee, maybe a Danish. And by the way, they invented brassiere for a reason!

[a patient can't open the door]
Dr. John Becker: Door's unlocked right?
Margaret: Yup.
Dr. John Becker: And he still can't get in?
Margaret: Apparently.
Dr. John Becker: I guess I can be a little more tolerant.
Margaret: Oh, come on, you can't possibly be that stupid! If you keep pulling and it isn't working there is only one possible option, press the button and push!
[opens the door and looks to Dr. John Becker]
Margaret: Jackass!
Dr. John Becker: Feels good, doesn't it?

[about a patient]
Dr. John Becker: What does he want?
Margaret: To bask in the sunny warmth of your disposition.

[about breasts]
Chris Connor: Why do you think they're here for? For fun? No! They're here to
[shouts]
Chris Connor: get things done!

[about relaxation tapes]
Dr. John Becker: You'd be surprised how many people give 'em to me for Christmas.
Chris Connor: I'm surprised people give you presents at all.

[After Becker learns a temporary doctor will be assigned to his practice]
Dr. John Becker: You can't replace me with just anybody! My patients trust me, they know me!
Margaret: They certainly do; the police are checking them out as possible suspects!

[After Becker, under doctor's orders to eat more healthily, orders a fruit salad at the diner]
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [confused] Fruit!? You don't eat fruit, you hate fruit!
Dr. John Becker: Look, you don't want my business, there are plenty of places that'll give me fruit without an argument!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Sorry! I'm just so used to you eating wrong.
Dr. John Becker: Of course I eat wrong; I eat here!

[After Chris turns down Bob's offer of a date]
Bob: Wow, she's so nice!
Jake Malinak: Bob, she blew you off.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.
Bob: That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!

[After hearing Becker is living in Bob's apartment]
Jake Malinak: You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?
Dr. John Becker: I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [shudders] Urgh, Bob!

[After Jake inadvertantly reveals an erotic dream involving him and Reggie]
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!
Jake Malinak: Oh God! Thanks a lot, John!
Dr. John Becker: [chuckling] Couldn't resist!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: What is it with guys and tearing clothes off!? Don't you ever dream of unbuttoning clothes and neatly folding them over a chair?
Jake Malinak: Look Reg, I'm really sorry. It was just a dream!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Ah, no big deal. But do me a favour: next time you have a dream about us, can it be somewhere exotic? Even in your dreams, I can't get out of this lousy diner!

[After learning he has been taped for Reggie's psychology class]
Dr John Becker: You know what kind of person tapes another person!? NIXON!

[After learning his ex-girlfriend's family never forwarded his letters to her, leading to their breakup]
Megan: My dad: he never liked you after all that stuff you said about Nixon!
Becker: Turned out I was right though, wasn't I!? Well, that explains why I never heard back from you...
Megan: So all these years, you thought I didn't care?
Becker: Nixon! Bastard's dead and he's still screwing me!

[After Reggie reveals her plan to have lunch with Sarah's husband]
Jake Malinak: Reg, you know that after eating, you'll want to stretch your legs, which leads to taking a walk, which leads to your apartment, which leads to sex!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Fine, maybe I'll just meet him for dessert.
Jake Malinak: Bad idea; you'll eat too much, which leads to feeling fat, which leads to changing clothes, which leads to sex!
Reggie "Reggie" Kostas: Coffee?
Jake Malinak: Coffee! Coffee breath, mints, drug store, aisle 12, sex!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Can we meet for water?
Jake Malinak: WATER!? Why don't you just do it in the street!?

[After Reggie shows up to take John home from the hospital]
Dr. John Becker: Stop flapping your lips, get my stuff and let's go!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [exasperated] Why exactly did you save his life?
Dr. Liz Carson: Had to; took an oath. Why'd you volunteer to take him home?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Had to; lost a coin toss.