Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [to Amanda about the diner] Not quite our condo on South Beach.
Jake Malinak: Not quite a condo on Omaha Beach!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [to Becker] Would a lucky day destroy your view of life as a bleak and punishing hell?
Jake Malinak: Ah, took you a while Reg, but you finally figured him out!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I was born and raised in New York, and I've never been to the top of the Empire State Building!
Linda: Really? I was conceived up here! Well, acually it was in the elevator.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [incredulous] Your parents did it in the elevator!?
Linda: Well they weren't going to do it on the stairs, they're not animals!
Season 3

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Look, Jake, not that I don't enjoy this sucking up, but if you want the hockey ticket, you're gonna have to do better than this; after all, there are other men in my life! [Bob walks in]
Bob: Hello, losers! That's right, Bob's back! [Reggie rolls her eyes]
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I've got to get a bug-zapper in here!
Bob: Notice anything different about Bob?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [indifferent] You shed a layer of skin!?
Bob: You're closer than you think. Bob had a makeover; I've been loofahed, polished, waxed and buffed to a high sheen! I've had a facial, and for the first time in the salon's history, a back-al! I'll show you later!
Jake Malinak: Thank God I'm blind!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her.
Becker: Yeah, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!

Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Do you think it would be silly for me to go back to college, now?
Dr. John Becker: No, I think it would silly for us to have this conversation again, ten years from now.

Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Doesn't what she did piss you off?
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, it just doesn't surprise me because I happen to feel that most people are cruel, small-minded and shallow.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Oh, come on, Becker, if I believed that then I'd have to believe that the entire world just sucks.
Dr. John Becker: Thank you! That's what I've been trying to tell you every single morning for the past two years! Thank you.

Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: I don't have a license to sell alcohol.
Dr. John Becker: You don't have a license to sell rat hair, either, but that never stopped you.

Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Well, I hate to break it to you--you're normal.
Dr. John Becker: You can't talk to me like that! You know, you've called me alot of things, you've called me neurotic, damaged, obstinant, inappropriate, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit there and let you tell me that I'm normal. I'm not normal. I'm abnormal!

Ruth: We need a new strategy.
Dr. John Becker: Does it involve me taking the bailiff's gun and blasting my way out of here?
Ruth: No, that's plan B.

(A man starts screaming in the bathroom)
Dr. John Becker: What the hell's that?
Margaret: Mr. Pearson.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah. Right.

(after he arranged the chess pieces on the board)
Mr. Schmalen: Hey sweetheart, tell the doctor I'm ready and I'm white.
Linda: Excuse me sir, but the doctor does not discriminate, he takes patients in the order they come in.

(after he introduces two old patients to each other)
Dr. John Becker: Just call me Dr. Becker, the geriatric pimp.

(Becker turns on the TV)
Woman on TV: Hi. I'm Tiffany. I want to tell you things I've never told anyone. Hot, nasty, thi--
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: You want firm, tasty, sexy fun? I mean, just look at these!
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: Jerry, I don't think nymphomaniac is a big enough word to describe me.
(changes channel)
Reporter: And in our final story tonight, we'd like to wish a special happy birthday to Hazel Meyers. Today, the oldest woman in New York is 106 years old.
Dr. John Becker: And not lookin' to bad, either.

(repeated line)
Multiple Characters: What's that?
Dr. John Becker: It's my air horn.