Radiator Repairman: I'm glad you got me over here, doc. Your system is getting ready to blow!
Dr. John Becker: Stay away from me!

Radiator Repairman: You got a really old system, here. Your pipes are clogged. You gotta let off the pressure or the system won't handle it.

Reggie Kostas: Becker, you know so little about women it's hard to believe you actually came from one!
Dr. John Becker: Hey, that was the best relationship with a woman I ever had! My mother fed me, kept me warm and we didn't have to talk all the time!

Reggie Kostas: Don't you have an ounce of romance in your soul?!
Jake Malinak: What makes you think he even has a soul?!
Dr. John Becker: Oh please, romance is like the cheese in a mousetrap; it's what baits you into position so the metal bar of reality can come snapping down on your neck!
Reggie Kostas: You're just upset because you were unlucky in love.
Dr. John Becker: I was not unlucky in love, I was unlucky in court.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: All right, smartass. It's your turn.
Bob: Read 'em and weep. J-U-G-G-S. Juggs!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Not a word.
Bob: Yes, it is! Jake's news stand! Magazines, top shelf!
Jake Malinak: Forget about it, Bob. It's a proper noun. Besides, we already let you have melons, boobs, and Hooters.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Hey, Jake. Where have you been?
Jake Malinak: My nana sent me package and it took me an hour to pick it up at the post office. Turns out forty-five minutes of that was me waiting in line for the ladies room.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So, what kind of car are you looking for?
Dr. John Becker: Basic transportation. Something to get me from here to there.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Get a bicycle.
Jake Malinak: Uh-oh.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: What? They're inexpensive, great exercise, and pollution-free.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah. That's just what I want to be. Another schmuck riding down the street with a little bell and stupid helmet trying to save the environment. Like my little two-wheeler's going to make a difference in a city with fifty-million cabs belching out toxic smoke. "Oh, little Timmy can't breathe! But don't worry! Becker's riding a bike!"
Jake Malinak: (to Reggie) I tried to warn you.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: That's right, Bob. Jake's pretended to be blind all these years so he beat you at Scrabble.
Bob: It's possible.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: There. Cat. I'm using the C at the end of your word, Jake.
Jake Malinak: Which one?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Xebec.
Bob: I still say that's not a word.
Jake Malinak: Bob, I told you. It's a antiquated tri-masted Mediterranean sailing vessel.
Bob: NONE OF THOSE ARE WORDS!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Why don't you get a nicotine patch like the rest of the world.
Dr. John Becker: I tried one. They're too hard to light.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Wow, look at this! Each tile's marked in braille.
Bob: Wait a minute. He can tell what they are? I'm out.
Jake Malinak: Damn, I was looking forward to it. I haven't played since I was a little kid.
Bob: Really? Well, why be a bad sport? I'm back in.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: You know, Becker, you could've changed the channel.
Dr. John Becker: I did. I ran across a bisexual guy having a three-way with his aunt and uncle. I tell you, if I were his dog, I'd be on my toes.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Well, here's a wacky idea: turn it off!
Jake Malinak: Don't you see it, Reggie? He leaves the TV on so he can get upset!
Dr. John Becker: Nobody called on you. It doesn't matter if you turn the set off. The people are still in there! And, frankly, I like knowing what they're up to. Trust me on this one. White trash is the only natural resource this country will never run out of!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: You're really a miserable human being.
Dr. John Becker: Doesn't mean I'm not right.

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [about Becker] Oh I hate it when he's like that!
Jake Malinak: Smug?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: No, breathing!

Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [on the phone] Look, I need a new motor for my damn freezer! Don't give me excuses; I've got a kitchen full of sour milk, rotten eggs and purple meat! [hangs up] What you having, Becker?
Dr. John Becker: Second thoughts about dining here!