Beavis: Hey Butt-head, check this out. Do you like sea food?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah. [Beavis opens his mouth wide] Beavis, that joke only works if you have food in your mouth. Dumbass.
Beavis: Well, use your imagination, dillhole.
Pink Floyd, High Hopes

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, did you know I'm from Compton?
Butt-head: Damnit Beavis, shut up. You're not from Compton.
Beavis: No way Butt-head, I'm serious. I was kicking it on the street. It was hard times. I used to drink gin and juice, it was cool.
Butt-head: Beavis, you're a white wussy from right here.
Beavis: No way Butt-head, you don't know, you weren't around then. Yeah, me and Snoop, we used to go to the Compton swap meet together.
Butt-head: Beavis, you used to go to the flea market with your mom.
Beavis: No way Butt-head, see, I wear this shirt because these are my colors.
Butt-head: Beavis...
Beavis: Yep, I'm a straight G.
Butt-head: ...shut up.
Beavis: Goin to the Compton swap meet with Snoop. Sometimes I used to kick it with Dre.
Butt-head: Beavis, shut up. You've never been to Compton, you're never gonna go to Compton, you're gonna be here for the rest of your life, you're stupid, you don't have any money and you're never gonna score.
Beavis: [mumbling] Um, heh, oh yeah.
Jill Sobule, I Kissed a Girl

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, did you see it when Bonaduce fought Donny Osmond?
Butt-head: Uh... that was on Pay-per-view, Beavis. We don't get that.
Beavis: Yeah, but I saw like, highlights from it later. It was cool. Did you see when Bonaduce fought Geraldo?
Butt-head: Oh yeah! Was that when he like, threw a chair at him and broke his nose?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah yeah!
Butt-head: That would be cool like, if Mrs. Partridge kicked Geraldo's ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! And the winner gets to face Bonaduce in the finals.
Butt-head: That would be cool if like, the whole Partridge family kicked Geraldo's ass.
Beavis: Oh yeah! And then like, Tracy could kick him in the nads.
Butt-head: Yeah. She could stick her tambourine up his butt.
Beavis: Or like, Chris could stick a drumstick up his butt.
Butt-head: And then Geraldo would be saying, 'That's no fair, there's two Chris's!'
Beavis: Yeah. [Imitating Michael Buffer] ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?!
Chavez, Break Up Your Band

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, did you see that guy, he had like, mirrors all over himself?
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: That'd be cool if you had mirrors all over your clothes like that, and then like, you could use them to see your own taint. That would be cool.
Butt-head: I don't wanna see my taint. That's stupid.
Beavis: See, I'm always thinking.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, does this Pantera guy ever relax?
Butt-head: Uhh, I don't think so. This guy's dad must have kicked his ass when he was a kid.
Beavis: Yeah, really. He was like, "Dammit Pantera, this beer is warm! Get me another one!"
Butt-head: Yeah. He was like, "You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera! Or you'll be sleeping in the street!"
Beavis: He's like, "Dammit Pantera, I told you to get out there and mow that lawn! Oh, what's this? Is that a tear, Pantera? Oh, is daddy's little girl upset? I'm gonna kick your ass into next Tuesday, now get outta here! And quit acting like a damn little girl!"
Pavement, Cut Your Hair

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, doesn't this song have another video?
Butt-head: Yeah, this song is so good they had to do it twice.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, how come I'm white?
Butt-head: Because your mom's white, dumbass.
Beavis: You know, my mom used to say it doesn't matter what color your skin is. It's like, what color your skin is on the inside that counts.
Butt-head: She's a slut.
Beavis: Oh yeah. She's a cleap slut.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, how come Tom Petty is famous?
Butt-head: Because he's on TV, dumbass.
Beavis: Yeah, but how did he get on TV?
Butt-head: Because he's famous.
Beavis: Yeah, but, I mean, like, how did he get famous?
Butt-head: He got famous because he's on TV.
Beavis: YEAH, YEAH, BUT HOW DID HE GET ON TV?!
Butt-head: Because he's famous, Beavis! Now shut up before I smack the bejesus out of you!
Phish, Down With Disease

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, I don't know why, but this is giving me a stiffy.
Butt-head: Uhhhh, maybe that's why they call it 'woodshop'.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, I know I talk about turds a lot, but boy, these things really look like turds.
Butt-head: Uhh, I talk a lot about turds too, Beavis. Don't worry about it.
Beavis: Oh, okay. Poop!

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, I think I saw these guys at Chuck E. Cheese's
Butt-head: Oh yeah! They sucked.
Beavis: I kept banging on the glass and saying "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"
Butt-head: Oh yeah, then you got your butt kicked.
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah. That was cool.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, if they X-rayed your wiener, would they see a bone?
Butt-head: If you had a boner, they would.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. That would be cool.
[the band members are submerged in water]

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, is that like, from that City Slickers movie?
Butt-head: Oh yeah. Remember that one part where that guy like, sticks his hand up that cow's butt?
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah! And then like, he pulls out a dog, and it's all wet.
Butt-head: Beavis, that wasn't a dog. That was like, uhh, a big rabbit.

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, is there a chick in this band?
Butt-head: Uhh, well I think that bass player has boobs.
Beavis: Yeah, that's what I mean.
Butt-head: Well there's boobs, but I can't tell if it's a chick.
Beavis: Seems like all these bands now have chick bass players
Butt-head: Uhh...wait a minute, that's not a chick. That's a puppet. These are all puppets!
Beavis: Um...uh, yeah. Hey Butt-head, I have a puppet. Check this out. [high-pitched voice] Hello everybody! We're gonna have fun today!
Butt-head: Damn it Beavis, pull your pants up!
Supergrass, Caught by the Fuzz

Beavis: Hey Butt-head, it's like, these guys jump around and stuff like they're rapping, but this isn't rap music! It's metal!
Butt-head: So what, Beavis? You just don't have any like, uh...imagination.
Beavis: Um...I know. I don't want any either. Imagination sucks! It hurts when I use my imagination.
Butt-head: Okay.