Butt-head: Uh... is this Real Housewives of Detroit?

Butt-head: Uh... remember when you were little and your mom tried to lose you at IKEA?
Beavis: Oh, yeah, yeah! She's like, um... "just lay down and take a nap right here, Beavis. Everything's gonna be fine."
Butt-head: And then she couldn't find her way out and kept running into you again.
Beavis: Yeah, she wanted to go to Las Vegas with the bikers.
Butt-head: Yeah. They finally found her fighting in the parking lot.
Beavis: Oh yeah. And then they made me, um, go live with that family, um... the Fosters. Yeah.

Butt-head: Uh...boy, Cher has sure gone downhill.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, really! It's like, her boobs have gotten smaller, and she's like...all weird...
Butt-head: Yeah, but that's like, when you get old, you get this thing called mentopause, and like, your boobs go away, and like, your butt swells up...
Beavis: Whoa, really? You know, I think that might be happening to me, Butt-head!
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, pull your pants up!

Butt-head: Uh...doesn't your mom watch Montel Williams?
Beavis: Yeah, she watches Montel Williams, The Jerry Springer Show, Jane Whitney...she watches all of them. She's always like, "I should be on one of those shows, Beavis!" [makes drunken sound]
Butt-head: Yeah, but like, what would be the topic?
Beavis: Um...I don't know.
Butt-head: It would be like, "I'm a slut and my son's a dumbass." Next on Montel Williams.
Beavis: Yeah, that's a good one, Butt-head! That way, we could both be on it. That would rule!
Butt-head: You dumbass.
The Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go

Butt-head: Uh...he's drinking.
Beavis: I can hardly wait 'till I get older and like, get a job and stuff so I can drink.
Butt-head: Yeah. I plan on doing some smoking too.

Butt-head: Uh...Hey Beavis. I got an idea.
Beavis: Yeah, me too! Let's go over to Stewart's house and burn something. [holds up a lighter]
Butt-head: No, dumbass. Let's become one of those 'stand-up chameleons' and get a bunch of money.

Butt-head: Uh...I need like, 60 cents, 'cause my friend's like, uh, starving and stuff.
Old woman: Really? Well, where is your friend?
Butt-head: Uh...uh, he's, like, overseas or something.
Old woman: Oh, I've seen those commercials.
Butt-head: Yeah, me too.
Old woman: It's so sad. [She hands Butt-head a dollar] Here you go.
Butt-head: Uh...no. I said I need 60 cents, Buttmunch.
Old woman: [getting into car] That's okay. I don't mind giving a little more.
Butt-head: Uh...okay. [stares at her]
Old woman: Yes?
Butt-head: Uh...I thought you said you were gonna give me some more.

Butt-head: Uh...I think this is Blues Traveler.
Beavis: No it's not! Where's that big fat dude?
Butt-head: I think that's him, Beavis. I think he just like, lost a lot of weight.
Beavis: Dammit, that pisses me off! Everybody keeps getting skinny!
Butt-head: Yeah. He looked better when he was a big, fat slob on stage going blblblblblblblblblbl.
Beavis: Yeah. His stomach was hanging over his pants, going blblblblblblblblblbl.
Butt-head: No Beavis! I'm fingering my lips. Blblblblblblblblblbl-big fat dude-blblblblblbl.

Butt-head: Uh...I think this is like one of those cable access shows where you like call them up and they do like anything you want.
Beavis: No way! Really? Let's call her up!
Butt-head: Yeah. Let's tell her to like shut up and like take all of her clothes off and get over here right now.
Beavis: Yeah! She could fix us something to eat.

Butt-head: Uh...is this another one of those damn '80s suck videos?
Beavis: Oh yeah! Oh yeah, it's from that album The Classics of Suck.

Butt-head: Uh...oh no.
Beavis: This isn't very good, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Thank you, Beavis, like I couldn't have figured that out myself.
Beavis: Yeah, anytime.
Butt-head: Boy, this really isn't very good.
Beavis: Yeah, I know Butt-head. Tell me something I don't know.
Butt-head: Uh...OK. Know the last time you went to the bathroom?
Beavis: Yeah?
Butt-head: I hocked a lugie in your Coke, and you drank it.
Beavis: Um...uh...
Butt-head: It was cool.
Beavis: I knew that! I spit it out.
Butt-head: No you didn't, you drank it.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I took a dump on a cracker you were eating one time.
Butt-head: Yeah, I remember that, but I didn't eat it.
Beavis: Yeah, but it was cool! You ate the cracker.
Butt-head: Yeah. I took the turd off and finished the cracker.

Butt-head: Uh...oh yeah. This is from that movie where like, you know, that white chick goes into the hood and teaches everybody how to get good grades.
Beavis: Oh yeah. They always have movies like that where there's this teacher, and there's like all good, and everybody stops being a gangsta and everybody gets good grades and goes to college.
Butt-head: Yeah, and it's like, you know, she "makes a difference" or something.
Beavis: Yeah. That's really stupid.
Butt-head: Yeah. They should like, make a movie that's, you know, realistic...
Beavis: Uh-huh.
Butt-head: ...where the teacher sucks, nobody learns anything, and in the end, it's like you be all stupid.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah! That would rule! And then it's like, see, you could have some cars blowing up and stuff, and you could like, show some boobs, and like, a big chase scene, you know...that would rule!

Butt-head: Uh...this is boring.
Beavis: Yeah, really! It's boring enough to watch this, and then they're bored doing it; maybe next time, they'll learn to rock!

Butt-head: Uh...uh-oh. This is horrible.
Beavis: I kinda feel sorry for these guys, you know, because um, I think it's probably not their fault that they suck so much.
Butt-head: Uh...yeah it is.

Butt-head: Uh...uhhhhh...boy, this is horrible.
Beavis: Yeah! And it sucks too.
Butt-head: Yeah! This video, like, like if it was a turd, it would like, be like the same thing.
Beavis: Yeah. At least if this video was a turd, it would like...be kind of cool.
Butt-head: Yeah, this guy sucks! And then this guy! Just look at him!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Yeah. What a dork!
Judas Priest, Painkiller