Butt-head: Uh...wait a minute, Beavis. That's a dude! [Beavis screams] You want to make love to a dude, Beavis!
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! Shut up! You said you wanted to do him too!
Butt-head: No I didn't, Beavis.
Beavis: Yes you did! You said "Yeah, I wanna do her, come to Butt-head!"
Butt-head: No, I didn't, Beavis! Shut up before I kick you a new bunghole! [singing] Beavis wants to make love to a dude...
Beavis: SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD! Whoa, it's Matt Pinfield!
Butt-head: You wanna do it with him too, Beavis?
Beavis: SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD! I'm serious! I'm gonna haul off and kick you in the nads!
Butt-head: [Laughs] Beavis is a lesbian.
MC 900 Ft. Jesus, If I Only Had a Brain

Butt-head: Uh...wait a minute. This isn't Cher.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right, it's Charles Manson!
Butt-head: No, dumbass. It's Marilyn Manson.
Beavis: Oh. Really? Um, where have I heard that name? Charles Manson...
Butt-head: You know all these people in this video? They're all like, part of this Manson dude's family, and then they like, do it with each other, and then they like, go out and kill people and cut their ears off and stuff?
Beavis: Really? I'll be damned.
Butt-head: Yeah, and like, this is how they like, spend Thanksgiving. They sit around and get naked and scream.
Beavis: You know, I've seen a lot of stuff, but this is really just disturbing, and just really wrong, and this is just bad.
Butt-head: These people are messed up.
Beavis: I got a pamphlet I'd like these guys to read. You know what I'm saying?
Butt-head: They're all gonna spend an eternity in Hell.

Butt-head: Uh...who is this dude? He looks familiar.
Beavis: Oh yeah! That's um, um, uh, what's his name, uh...Captain Kangaroo!
Butt-head: Captain what?
Beavis: You know, Captain Kangaroo! With Mr. Green Jeans and Magic Drawing Board. You know.

Butt-head: Uh...wow. This might be the worst crap I've ever seen in my life.
Beavis: Um...this dude kinda looks like that dude from Sesame Street...The Count.
Butt-head: Yeah. It's like [imitating The Count] A-one! A-two! A-three! A-four buttknockers! Ahahahaha!
Beavis: [also imitating The Count] Ahahahahahahaha!

Butt-head: Uhh!
Beavis: Ahh! What was that? Damn it, now it's rocking.
Butt-head: Damn it. Now all of a sudden, this video has to go and be cool right when I'm trying to get some damn sleep.
Beavis: Yeah, really. If they're gonna rock and kick ass, at least it should happen while we're awake.
Butt-head: It still has all this blurry crap.
Beavis: Well, um, at least the music is in focus.
Butt-head: Uhh...oh yeah.

Butt-head: Uhh!
Beavis: Ahh!
Butt-head: Whoa, his eyes are sewn shut.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! He must have seen something so horrible, like, his eyeballs melted.
Butt-head: Maybe he saw that Winger video.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah!
Alice in Chains, I Stay Away

Butt-head: Uhh, alright!
Beavis: What?
Butt-head: Uhh, alright! This is kinda cool.
Beavis: Really? Yeah, I guess so.
Butt-head: Yeah, you know, it's kinda groovy. Kinda has a nice little thing, you know? Kinda makes me feel good.
Beavis: Yeah, I guess so. I see what you're saying. It's kinda...[hums the melody] Yeah, this is really cool.
Butt-head: Uhh, Beavis, I was just kidding. [laughs] Dumbass.
Beavis: I know. Shut up, Butt-head!
Butt-head: You really like this crap.
Beavis: No I don't, Butt-head, I was just kidding!
Butt-head: What a wuss!
Beavis: Butt-head...stop it! I hate everything about it! I hate this. I hate it! Shut up!

Butt-head: Uhh, hey, we're back.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, check it out, there's a marching band out here.
Butt-head: Really? They suck.
Beavis: Yeah, but, you know, it could be kinda cool to be in a marching band. You know, those guys just poop right on the street.
Butt-head: What are you talking about, Beavis?
Beavis: No, no, I'm serious. I'm serious, one time, when I was a kid I saw this parade, and after the marching band went by, there were these big huge turds everywhere. And it was like, there was grass sticking out of them and stuff. It was cool.
Butt-head: Beavis, you dumbass, those turds didn't come from the band, they came from the horses.
Beavis: But, um...oh! That would explain the grass. But, um, that's really too bad, you know, cause I was thinking it would be cool to join the school band, and you know, you'd just be marching along, playing your instrument, you know, and be like, [sings] "Dun-da-da-dun-da-da-da-da-da-plop!"
Butt-head: Beavis...
Beavis: Yeah, and then, whenever I'd be taking a poop at school, somebody would be like "What are you doing in there?", and I'd be like, "I'm trying out for the band!", plop.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, if this wasn't Thanksgiving, I'd be slapping the crap out of you, now shut up. [to camera] Hey Loder, this music sucks, why don't you make yourself useful and play a video?
Music Video Segments

Butt-head: Uhh, I think this dude is checking you out, Beavis.
Beavis: No he's not! Liar.
Butt-head: Yeah he is. He's like, "I like what I see. I'll be right over."
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! He can't see me, because he's just looking at the camera, he's in the video.
Butt-head: Remember that time that dude was saying that stuff to you at the bus station?
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head!
Butt-head: He said, "I like what I see. Now why don't you go into one of those stalls and I'll meet you there."
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! At least I got a candy bar out of the deal.
Butt-head: Yeah.

Butt-head: Uhh, she's naked again!
Beavis: Ooh yeah! Whoa, you can see her rump!
Butt-head: Her what?
Beavis: Her rump!
Butt-head: You mean her butt, Beavis?
Beavis: No, no, her rump. That's the part off to the side.
Butt-head: It's called a butt, Beavis.
Beavis: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I just get tired of saying "butt" sometimes. I thought I'd throw rump in.
Ministry, Just One Fix

Butt-head: Uhh, something's wrong. It's like, it doesn't look like this guy would have this kind of voice.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, it's like, it doesn't look like that kind of voice would come out of that guy, you know what I'm saying?
Butt-head: Yeah. It looks like it might come out of his butt.
Beavis: Actually, I was thinking like, it looks like this kind of voice, like, would come out of Godzilla, or maybe it'd come out of Godzilla's butt.
Butt-head: If it did come out of Godzilla's butt, that would be a good video.
[a decomposed horse is seen in the video]

Butt-Head: Uhh, the Yiddish are coming! The Yiddish are coming!
[Beavis is having a dream of the writing of the Declaration of Independence; Thomas Jefferson is dictating and Beavis is dressed like Benjamin Franklin]

Butt-head: Uhh, what TV show is this chick on?
Beavis: Let's see, um, Family Ties, Full House, My Two Dads, Growing Pains, One Day At a Time...
Butt-head: Uh, no.
Beavis: Melrose Place, Northern Exposure, What's Happening!!, Good Times, Jeffersons...
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis! Uh, she looks like that uh, that chick that used to be young and had big hooters.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: And she was like, married to that dude and living with her parents, and now she does those commercials for like, hungry foreign kids.
Beavis: Oh yeah! And she was also in that commercial for the career institute, where she's going like, [high-pitched voice] "You can get a wonderful new career and an associate's degree in business management, x-ray tech, court reporter, computer technicians, high school!"
Butt-head: Yeah. [both laugh]
Beavis: I was thinking of signing up for that career institute, and like, then I could be like, X-Ray technician, and I could look through chicks' clothes and stuff. That'd be cool.
Butt-head: Yeah. That'd be a good job.
Beavis: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Butt-head: Uhh, you know what they say about short dudes, they got like, really big, uh...you know.
Beavis: Yeah, but you know, I tried telling a chick that once, and she said "I don't care how big your turds are."
Butt-head: [laughs] You dumbass.
Beavis: No, I'm serious, Butt-head. You know, I was going "I got really long turds. You wanna see 'em?"
Butt-head: Beavis, you were telling a chick you have long turds?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! And it didn't work. I said, you know, "They call me Mr. Poop a lot."
Butt-head: Beavis, you're making me sick, shut up! I was talking about wieners!
Beavis: But um...oh. Oh, I see!
Skrillex, First of the Year (Equinox)

Butt-head: Uhh...I think that's supposed to be Wolverine.
Beavis: That's not Wolverine. No, that's not Wolverine.
Butt-head: I know, but like, you know, in England they probably, like, draw him different, because they're dumb.
Beavis: No. That's not Wolverine.
Butt-head: Yeah it is, but he's just like, you know, a little different than the American Wolverine.
Beavis: That is not Wolverine, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Okay, okay, buttmunch, it's not Wolverine! Who cares? Now just shut the hell up so at least I can have a good time watching this crap!
Beavis: Well, how can you have a good time, if it's not really Wolverine, and you think it is...
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, shut up!
Grim Reaper, Rock You to Hell [laughter can be heard]