Beavis: You know, if I was a big bird, I'd fly around in the sky and stuff, and then, like, fly over people and poop on their lunch. I'd be like [imitates dive-bomber] "Nyaaaaaaaaanyaaaaa-poop!-nyaaaaaaaanyaaaaa-poop!"
Butt-head: That would be cool.
Beavis: Yeah, that would rule. Actually, y'know I probably could do that without being a bird. It's like, I could go into the cafeteria, and just like stand up on the table, y'know, and pull down my pants and like, go around while people are eating their lunch and just go "Poop!"
Butt-head: Okay, settle down, Beavis.
Beavis: And run over there and go "Poop!" A little "Poop!" over there.
Butt-head: That's enough.
Beavis: It's chicken-fried steak! Poop!
The Grays, Very Best Years

Beavis: You know, if you didn't know anything about these guys, and just heard the name "Pink Floyd", and then you heard this crap, you know, you'd probably think that it was just like, total wuss music.
Butt-head: Uhh, it is wuss music, Beavis.

Beavis: You know, it kinda sounded like he said "Poop".
Butt-head: Well, this is the Scatman, and scat is another word for poop.
Beavis: How'd you know that?
Butt-head: I learned it when I did my report on feces.
The Shamen, Ebeneezer Goode

Beavis: You know, that one chick? That chick right there? She's kinda hot.
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: I'd like to make love to her.
Butt-head: Yeah. Me too.
Beavis: I'd like to stroll down, and make love...
Butt-head: Come to Butt-head.

Beavis: You know, these guys sound pretty cool, you know, for having a monkey, you know, on guitar. I was thinking, maybe they should get a gorilla to play drums. ��Cause, you know, you go to the zoo, and they're always playing with themselves, so maybe they could play some drums, I dunno.
Butt-head: Yeah, but Beavis, you play with yourself, and you can't play drums.
Beavis: No way, Butt-head, I reckon I can play the drums. I could like, go, you know��parum, parum.

Beavis: You know, this part right here, this was already in another video. Was it...[sings]...Stand in the place where you live...yeah, that's what this was in!
Butt-head: Uhh...yeah, I think everything in this video was in another video.
Beavis: Oh yeah. It's like everything you see in this video was in another video.
Butt-head: Everything sucks.
Kate Bush, Love and Anger

Beavis: You know, um, I dove off the high dive once. Remember? That was cool.
Butt-head: Uh, you didn't dive, Beavis, you fell off. You were trying to run back to the ladder and you slipped.
Beavis: No, no way!
Butt-head: You were flailing around in the water. And then that dude with the hairy chest came and saved you.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! At least I fell off it! I didn't even see you climb up!
Butt-head: Yeah I did! After they took you off in the ambulance, I was like, doing a bunch of swan dives. It was cool! And then I scored.
Beavis: Whoa, really? You're cool, Butt-head!
Butt-head: Yeah. It was cool!
Björk, Army of Me

Beavis: You know, um, I have to say, um, I kind of like this song.
Butt-head: Uh... okay, Beavis.
Beavis: Yeah! Sometimes, um, if I'm not feeling to good about myself, I'll like, put this song on and like, put some fireworks in my pants, and I start to feel better.
Butt-head: Uh, do you light the fireworks?
Beavis: Well, yeah, I tried, but everytime I put the lighter down there, in my pants, it just goes out. I need longer fuses or something. Like a longer lighter.
Butt-head: You're a dumbass, Beavis.

Beavis: [high-pitched voice] I don't feel nothing.
Butt-head: [high-pitched voice] Huh huh huh. What's wrong with your voice, dude?
Beavis: [high-pitched voice] What's wrong with yours?
Butt-head: [high-pitched voice] Oh no.
Both: [high-pitched voices] WE'RE NEUTERED!
Season 2

Beavis:[seeing a man chopping wood] I know. Let's invent a tree.
Butt-head: Beavis.
Beavis: See, we could build one out of lumbers and two-by-fours and stuff, and then we could like tape some leaves- [Butt-head slaps him] OW!!! See, that way, anyone who needs wood, but doesn't want to cut down his own tree, can just, like, buy our tree and cut it down, and then he- [Butt-head slaps him again] OW!!!
Butt-head: Why wouldn't he just go cut down his neighbor's tree, dumbass? Now, quit wasting time. We need to come up with a REAL money-making invention.

Beavis:[To a criminal about butt-head]He keeps calling me "buttknocker" & he won't stop & IT PISSE ME OFF!!!
Later...

Beck: Tonight the city is full of morgues...
Butt-head: Tonight, the city's full of whores?
Beavis: I wish our city was full of whores. That'd be pretty cool.
Butt-head: Uh...yeah, I guess that would be pretty cool.

Bevis: So what do you want me to do about it?

Billy Corgan: Today is the greatest day I've ever known...
Butt-head: He thinks it's the greatest day because he, like, stole an ice-cream truck.
Beavis: That's cool. If I stole one of those, I'd like go out to the desert and then I'd just like start eating all the Rocket Pops, and the Chocolate Chippety Crunches, and...and the Dreamsicles, and the Nutty-Buddies...
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis!
Beavis: And the Froggies.

Bobby Ellsworth: Hello from the gutter!
Beavis: What's he saying?
Butt-head: Uh, I think he's saying "yellow butter".
Beavis: Oh yeah.