30 Rock quotes

268 total quotes



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Jack:You have more sexual hangups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried?
Liz:What?
Jack:That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.

James Carville: Cajun style.

Jeffrey: Okay, I'm Jeffrey. I am a mediator, and you two are having a dispute. Now why is that?
Jenna: Because Tracy thinks he can treat me unfairly because I'm a woman.
Tracy: What? Please, we are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars! White people stole jazz, rock 'n roll, Will Smith, and heart disease! Now they think they can take my hard-earned money.

Jenna: [having an idea] I've got it!
Tracy: Give it to me! It's mine!

Jenna: [rapping] My name is Suri Cruise.
Put your hands in the air!
I came out of the womb
With a full head of hair!

Jenna: A drinking contest?!? What am I, 12 and at my boyfriend's frat party?!

Jenna: Although I'm great at this, I'm really not necessary. Hmmm, the last time I said that I was in a three-way with two Backstreet Boys.

Jenna: Am I trying to instigate fights by throwing wine at people just to get on camera, and maybe also promote my new lifestyle website, Jennas-Side.com? Of course not. I mean, is wine-throwing something that even gets you on a reality show?

Jenna: Drama is like gay-man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes.

Jenna: Future husband? Who did you put in your address book as "Future Husband"?
Liz: I have absolutely no idea.
Jenna: Well, whenever I find something weird in my cell phone, I can usually trace it back to last time I was drunk.
Liz: Oh my God, the dentist's office!
Jenna: Your dentist gets drunk with you, too?

Jenna: He's evil, Tracy!
Tracy: He's evil Tracy? Oh, "He's evil" [comma], "Tracy."

Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!

Jenna: I'm gonna to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely, and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.

Jenna: I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway!

Jenna: It's going to be a disaster! Like Katrina! Do you remember Katrina, that crazy girl from hair and make-up?