Bev: What was your reason for wanting to adopt?
Liz: Thank you, for that question, Bev. The world is a troubled place, and so many children in need of adoption worldwide...
Bev: Infertility? or Other.
Liz: Other.

Dennis: [Liz answers her door] Hello, dummy.
Liz: No! Nope, not interested. Have a good life.
Dennis: This is important, it's about my mom. [Liz reluctantly lets him in] That was a lie, but listen, Elizabeth. I recently discovered that I'm a sex addict.
Liz: No, you're not.
Dennis: Yeah I am, and I'd be an even worse sex addict if I wasn't consumed by my latest business venture.
Liz: I don't want to hear about your job, Dennis.
Dennis: One word: coffee. One problem: where do you get it?
Liz: Anywhere! You get it anywhere!
Dennis: Wrong! You get it at my coffee vending machine. 38th & 6th in the basement of the K-Mart. You just go downstairs, you get the key from David and BOOM! You plug in the machine and...
Liz: You're done.

Dr. Spaceman: Tracy, I don't know how to say this... de-ay-bah-tees?
Tracy: Diabetes?
Dr. Spaceman: That's it! Well, now we know what we're dealing with.

Elisa: How dare you say such things so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, patron saint of judgmental statues!

Elisa: I have a terrible secret. Please don't ask me what it is.
Liz: I don't want to know what it is! [Pause] Are you a man?
Elisa: Really, Lemon? You want to see me naked?
Liz: Kind of.

Elisa: You over-analyze everything with your big head!
Jack: Well you have big boobs.
Elisa: Which you'll NEVER touch again!!
Jack: This conversation has taken an unfortunate turn.

Frank: We figured Lutz is never going to get married, but he wants a bachelor party, so we're taking him to a strip club. You wanna come?
Tracy: Come on, Liz Lemon, you don't want to be treated any differently, do you?
Liz: Sure, I'll go.
Tracy: All right!
Liz: But you won't.
Tracy: [gasp] Twist!

Gavin Volure: He's gonna' do it! Gavin Volure's gonna' jump!
Jack Donaghy: Don't Gavin! That's gotta be fifteen, sixteen feet!

Jack: Alright everyone, it's back to the drawing board. Legal rejected all of our ideas - every one of the names we came up with was offensive in some language, including English, Frank.
Frank: They knew what a Hot Richard was?

Jack: Be a white man. Take credit.

Jack: i love you mother and i dont want you to die.
Coleen: im not going to, jackie.

Jack: I've spent the better part of the last 3 years developing a portable, miniature microwave oven. Most of that time has been spent coming up with a hip, edgy name for the product, something that will appeal to the marketing Holy Trinity - college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals.

Jack: Lemon - there was once a great American named George Henderson. He met a woodland ape, or sasquatch, and, despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, became his friend. When the time came to do the hard thing and send it back into the forest where it belonged, and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, George Henderson summoned the strength and by God he did it! Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. Like a bastard. But he did it because it was the right thing to do. For the woodland ape. You think about that.
Liz: What?! ...Is that Harry and the Hendersons?
Jack: You've seen it?
Liz: This is my life, Jack!

Jack: Lemon, this is a part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.

Jack: Look, you should know that I'm doing this for a woman. [shows Hector a picture of Elisa] This woman.
Hector Moreda: Wow. I am super-gay and I would totally switch for her.
Jack: She's amazing, but her grandmother hates me because she hates the Generalissimo, so he's gotta go.
Hector Moreda: [chuckles] El Generalissimo doesn't have to die to clear the way to the abuela. Not if the abuela comes to love him.
Jack: But that's impossible.
Hector Moreda: Seduction is never impossible for El Generalissimo. I will become everything that old Hispanic women desire. I will make her love me.
Jack: You really think you can pull that off?
Hector Moreda: It will be the performance of a lifetime, like Julie Harris in the The Belle of Amherst.
Jack: Wow. You are... surprisingly gay.