30 Rock quotes

268 total quotes



All Seasons
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Tracy: But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving.
Kenneth: Oh, okay.
Tracy: So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.

Tracy: Damn straight. I'm delightful.

Tracy: Dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes.

Tracy: Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like that HBO show, John Adams.

Tracy: Heavy is the head that eats the crayons.

Tracy: I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait... what was the question?

Tracy: I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I'm just kidding; I know he doesn't care what humans do.

Tracy: I feel like Oscar the Grouch today. And not just ‘cause I woke up in a garbage can this morning startling someone named Gordon.

Tracy: I finally understand the ending of The Sixth Sense. Those names are the people who worked on the movie!

Tracy: I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady.
Liz: Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.

Tracy: I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.
Dotcom: "Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot".

Tracy: I'm whipped! Angie got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know that in the morning, they have food, TV, almost everything. It's pretty good.

Tracy: I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it! I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo... they were very drunk.

Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.

Tracy: In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo--
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.