Liz: What is wrong with you men? You're like junkies...why can't you just say no?
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into... never mind.

Liz: What's going on, business got ya down?
Jack: Business doesn't get me down, business gets me off.

Liz: Where are you gonna get a kidney from?
Jack: I don't know, but I have the entire liberal media establishment at my disposal. The same manipulation machine that got people to vote for Barack Obama, and donate all that money after Rainstorm Katrina. I'm going to use that to find my Dad a kidney.
Season 4

Liz: WHERE'S MY MACARONI AND CHEESE!?!?

Liz: WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!?!
Tracy: Lutz made us do it.
Lutz: No, it was Frank.
Kenneth: THAT'S IT! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon. Because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Tracy: Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth!
Liz: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

Liz: Wow, you were very fit back then.
Jack: Yes, but my penis was smaller.

Liz: You are disgusting! And I have absolutely no reason to apologise to him.
Tracy: And I have no reason to hug her other than my love of having boobs pressed against me.

Liz: You ready for Larry King Live tonight?
Tracy: You know it. I cursed for 3 hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.

Liz: You're breaking union rules. Our insurance doesn't cover any of this. And you're potentially infringing on Warner Brothers intellectual property. Shut this down!
Tracy: I want a different answer. Where's Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there's no more Jack. He's dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!

Liz: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.

Liz: [My jeans] are from Brooklyn Without Limits, this very cool store with locations in Gaytown, White Harlem, and the Van Beardswick section of Brooklyn.

Lutz: Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear!
Liz: The hell?!
Lutz: You're not wearing yellow and blue on Leap Day.
Liz: So what? Leap Day is not a thing.
Kenneth: [singing] Leap Day William, Leap Day William, bursting from the sea; will he bring his bucket of sweets for mom and pop and me?
Liz: What the crap is going on in here?
Kenneth: Why, Leap Day William is visiting!
Liz: Leap Day William?
Kenneth: Miss Lemon, did you not grow up with Leap Day William? He lives in the Mariana Trench, he emerges every four years to trade children's tears for candy.
Liz: What? No. But White Haven was founded by the Amish, and we really only celebrated their holidays.

Lynn: Ma'am, I am in a Mexican prison gang. You kill me, Los Tiburones will greenlight a 187 on you, and you don't want that kind of heat.

Milton: One month I couldn't pay, so she said maybe there was something else I could give her. So I gave her my radio. Then a couple of weeks later, we got drunk and had sex.