Karen: Listen, there is nothing wrong with listening to Nathan and Grace have sex. It's a victim-less crime. Like tax evasion or public indecency.
Jack: Yah, or like when a bartender doesn't notice his tip, you can slide it in front of you and leave it as your own.
Karen: Oh great example honey! You are so quick! Like lightning.
Will: That's a terrible example.
Karen: Ohh, I think somebody just mad because somebody didn't think of it first.

Karen: My mother is a con artist, okay? I send her a check once a month to keep her out of my hair. Yeah, my entire childhood was spent traveling with her from town to town, running scams on people. Never settling down. Just when I'd make a friend, have 'em over for milk and cookies... Bam! It was time to move on.
Jack: Karen, that's shocking. You drank milk?
Karen: The last town we lived in, I fell in love with a boy. Heh. He had long blond hair, delicate features, soft skin... At least, I think it was a boy. Well, anyway, I was in love. And he or she loved me. Until my mom scammed her, too. Then he left me. That was when I left home and never looked back.
Jack: Karen, this isn't something you can run away from. It's not like a hotel bill or a crying baby.

Karen: Oh, before I forget, I just wanted to give you a little extra sparkle. I had to Heimlich it out of Rosario's stomach right before I came over here.
Grace: Oh my God. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say, I'd say something if I weren't so speechless, but I'm speechless so I don't know what to say.
Karen: Oh zip it, it's a loan. Now listen to me. You got 250 on each ear, 500 G's on the wrist, and a cold 7 on the chest. It would take you, your mom and your grandma an entire lifetime of turning tricks at the plaza to get even 1/2 way there. Lose even one and you're dead.

Karen: Oh, honey. You have a dream. You know, I had a dream too. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh, look, my dream came true!

Karen: So, how'd you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?

Karen: You know what else is incredibly sad? Poor people with big dreams. Actually, that's not so much sad as it is incredibly funny.

Lois: And i certainly wouldn't have broken up you and what's his name. I mean she was nice!
Karen: Yeah, she was -- I miss him!

Nancy: One of my moms is gay!
Elliot: Really?
Nancy: Yeah, but she's not a good dancer. She built our house, though.

Nathan: Ahh, there's nothing like hoppin' on your hog first thing in the morning and riding it 'til your butt gets tired.
Jack: You're preaching to the choir, okay?

Rita: Maybe you could be a little more specific in your analysis.
Jack: Oh, don't try to confuse us by speaking French.

Will: Hey, that guy looks suspicious. He's in a gay bar eating a hot dog without any irony.

Will: I'm hungry.
Grace: I'm thirsty.
Karen: I could hump a tree.

Will: Jack, this isn't like the pound, where you can take home the one that wags his tail at you... Or some gay bar where you can... take home the one that wags his tail at you.

Will: Let me try to explain this in terms you'll understand. I'm tequila. [Will picks up small bottles on Karen's desk.]
Karen: Oh, I'm liking this story better already!
Will: These are my friends: gin, vodka, and scotch. [Scottish accent] Hello, Karen!
Karen: Hiya, kids.
Will: Now. You got an emergency. You want a Bloody Mary. You've poured yourself a thimble of tomato juice. Who you gonna call? Me? Tequila?
Karen: What is this crazy talk? I want my vodka!
Will: Exactly. So from now on, you only call tequila when you have a legal problem.
Karen: Okay, I get it now. You're comin' in loud and queer!

Will: Oh, Grace. You're dating a convict? Does it come to this?
Grace: He's not a convict. He is just some guy who did some white-collar real-estate thing and needs to be behind bars for a little while until he learns his lesson.
Will: Oh. Hey, he wouldn't happen to have a brother who's not gay but likes to have sex with men, does he?