Will & Grace quotes
0 total quotesWill: Thank God she hasn't broken out the slides yet.
Jack: Ohh, thank God is right!
Will: You know about the slides?
Jack: No, I just assumed it had something to do with her womanity, so I thought we'd just skate right past it.
Will: No. Slides of Grace as a kid. Whenever she hits a real low point, she breaks out the slide projector and spends a few days trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Jack: I'd say it was the day she became a gay man and fell in love with you.
Jack: Ohh, thank God is right!
Will: You know about the slides?
Jack: No, I just assumed it had something to do with her womanity, so I thought we'd just skate right past it.
Will: No. Slides of Grace as a kid. Whenever she hits a real low point, she breaks out the slide projector and spends a few days trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Jack: I'd say it was the day she became a gay man and fell in love with you.
Will: What are you talking about? You're not a performer.
Jack: I am now. Me, a piano and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."
Will: Why one night? Oh, it's open mic night.
Jack: Bring Grace...or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.
Will: [reads flyer] "A roller-coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?
Jack: A critic...OK, my shrink.
Jack: I am now. Me, a piano and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."
Will: Why one night? Oh, it's open mic night.
Jack: Bring Grace...or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.
Will: [reads flyer] "A roller-coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?
Jack: A critic...OK, my shrink.
Zandra: This better be good. You're taking time away from my slow, agonizing march toward death.
[After a gay spelling bee.]
Jack: The other guy couldn't get "erect"... I, however, could.
Jack: The other guy couldn't get "erect"... I, however, could.
[An extremely young nurse enters to take Grace's blood.]
Grace: Isn't-- isn't there someone else who is a little more... experienced? Someone who didn't drive in... on a Big Wheel?
Nurse Pittman: Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"
Grace: Isn't-- isn't there someone else who is a little more... experienced? Someone who didn't drive in... on a Big Wheel?
Nurse Pittman: Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"
[Diane, who has slept with both Will and Leo, says that will was better in bed]
Leo: What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
Karen and Jack: YAHOOOO!
Leo: What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
Karen and Jack: YAHOOOO!
[Grace is showing slides of herself]
Grace: This is me as a little girl. Look at that big, goofy smile. STUPID IDIOT, OPEN YOUR EYES, NO ONE'S EVER GONNA LOVE YOU!!
Grace: This is me as a little girl. Look at that big, goofy smile. STUPID IDIOT, OPEN YOUR EYES, NO ONE'S EVER GONNA LOVE YOU!!
[Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
Grace: What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.
Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
Grace: What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.
[Grace is trying to start up her Uncle Jerry's old car.]
Grace: Okay, here we go. [tries to start the car, but it just clicks] That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?
Karen: Oh, my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!
Will: Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.
Grace: Okay, here we go. [tries to start the car, but it just clicks] That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?
Karen: Oh, my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!
Will: Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.
[Jack comes in dressed as an alien.]
Will: sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.
Grace: We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.
Will: sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.
Grace: We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.
[Jack has accidentally slammed the door onto Grace's face.]
Grace: Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]
Jack: Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.
Grace: [sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.
Jack: I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?
Will: Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?
Grace: Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]
Jack: Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.
Grace: [sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.
Jack: I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?
Will: Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?
[Jack is trying to find out whether his new singing partner, Owen, is really gay]
Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?
Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.
Jack: Name?
Owen: Ben.
Jack: I know him.
Owen: No, you don't.
Jack: How do you know?
Owen: He told me you don't.
Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?
Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.
Jack: Name?
Owen: Ben.
Jack: I know him.
Owen: No, you don't.
Jack: How do you know?
Owen: He told me you don't.
[Jack runs by.]
Will: Gay ferrets to the waiting area. Gay ferrets to the waiting area.
Will: Gay ferrets to the waiting area. Gay ferrets to the waiting area.
[Karen is showing Jack a card trick.]
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up a card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: I can't remember.
Karen: Ta-da!
Jack: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
Karen: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up a card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: I can't remember.
Karen: Ta-da!
Jack: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
Karen: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks.
[Will has just confessed to Grace that he's gay]
Will: Look, if I can't have sex with you, I couldn't have sex with any woman! It's a compliment to you!
Grace: That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy, you turn me on," not "One look at you proves I'm a queer"!
Will: Look, if I can't have sex with you, I couldn't have sex with any woman! It's a compliment to you!
Grace: That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy, you turn me on," not "One look at you proves I'm a queer"!