Toshiko:[Talking about a tent] Need any help getting it up Owen?
Owen: If I did, I wouldn't ask you.

[After finding Carys' ex as nothing more than a pile of dust]
Jack: Tosh was right - she went straight for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young; work your way through my back catalogue, we'll be here till the Sun explodes.

[After finding Owen in the cell naked]
Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell!
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. Tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.
Owen: I was taking some readings, you know, keeping an eye on her, and bang!
Tosh: You got away lightly. Be thankful she was only interested your swipe card.
Gwen: Are you alright now, or are you still feeling a bit of a cock?

[At a scene where a man has been killed by a weevil, The Crazy Frog Ringtone sounds]
Tosh: Is that his...?
Jack: You don't think I would choose that ringtone.

[at a scene where a man, Matt, has just been vaporised after having sex with the alien-possessed Carys]
Gwen: He just...
Jack: [deadpan] Came and went.
Owen: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

[Gwen and Carys are kissing passionately in Carys' cell, while Owen watches.]
Owen: Happy birthday me. Oi, you lot, treat!
[Jack and Tosh come over to see]
Tosh: Wow.
Jack: Wow.
Tosh: I thought she said she had a boyfriend.
Jack: You people and your quaint little categories.
Tosh: We should really get her out of there...
Jack: Yeah... [pauses] I mean, yeah, come on!
[Jack leaves to the cells with Tosh]
Owen: I'll just... record a bit of this.

[Gwen is trying to convince Jack to tell Matt's parents of Matt's death]
Jack: What am I supposed to tell them? That their son died SCREWING some chick?

[John Ellis picks up a copy of a magazine with a woman in her underwear on the front]
John: Good God!
Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-clad celebrities.
John: There are children around!
Ianto: She's a children's TV presenter.
[John replaces the magazine with a shocked expression]

[Owen is demonstrating what will eventually happen if the alien host stays in Carys for too long]
Owen: Preasure mounts in the brain, the lungs collapse (making breathing impossible) and then-
[the rat explodes violently]
Owen: Rat jam.

[Owens phone rings]
Owen: This is Owen's voicemail, don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen, I want you back at the hub immediately.

[talking about his former love, Estelle's, visions of fairies]
Jack: She calls them fairies; I don't.
Gwen: What do you call them?
Jack: Never really had a proper name.
Gwen: Why not?
Jack: Something from the dawn of time, how could you possibly put a name to that?
Gwen: Are we talking alien?
Jack: Worse.
Gwen: How come?
Jack: Because they're part of us. Part of our world, yet we know nothing about them. So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy, we imagine they have tiny little wings and are bathed in moonlight.
Gwen: But they're not?
Jack: No. Think dangerous. Think something you can only half-see, like a glimpse, like something out of the corner of your eye. With a touch of myth, a touch of the spirit world, a touch of reality all jumbled together, old moments and memories that are frozen in amongst it. Like debris, spinning around a ring planet, tossing, turning, whirling... backwards and forwards through time.

[The team discuss Jack]
Gwen: You don't know anything?
Owen: Not who he is, not where he's from, not anything. Except... him being gay.
Gwen: No he's not. Really, do you think?
Toshiko: Owen does, I don't.
Ianto: And I don't care.
Owen: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Toshiko: Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.
Gwen: We know he's from America, right?
Owen: Don't even know that for sure.
Toshiko: No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.
Gwen: Maybe his identity's classified.
Ianto: Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.
Gwen: He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.
Owen: Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.